New Found Meaning

Ending of a Year!!!

2011-12-27T00:44:00.000-05:00

While as the year comes to a final end. I feel like I have totally lost touch with my blog. So much has been going on laterly I really haven't had time to write anything. But I figured while I sit at work I could try and get a quick update in.

Things with Jesse and I have been up and down since September and I feel like things have finally come to a point to where I feel wierd almost. I feel like everything with soon fall into place and the dreams I have dreamed for a long time with finally come to a end.

I cannot wait to start another amazing year with Jesse and begin everything that needs to be started. I am working and trying to get school going as well. I really hope this spring goes amazingly well.

Ok quick catch up from fall...

*Jesse and I where together for two years.

* Took off to Columbia and saw Carolina Clemson Game

* Clemson won the ACC!!!

* Finally got the living room painted but not completely done with the house.

And Christmas...

Well Christmas was great. I pretty much got everything I asked for. Jesse brought me a new Camera and I am in love with it. I got what I wanted from Mama and Daddy and had an amazing time with Jesse's family.

But I think the best gift I got was the fact things between me and Jesse are like they were the first time we were together. I feel like I am faling in love with the one person I have always wanted. I truly don't know what to do or how to act. I am just thanking God that He has seem to brought us back to where we started.

Plans for the New Year are still not set and hopefully they will be ready by the weekend. I hope everyone had a great Christmas and pictures are soon to follow. Once I am not at work....

Kenzie

Finally Fall!!!

2011-10-03T01:35:00.000-04:00

FALL...... The leaves fall, the wind blows, and the farm country slowly changes from the summer cottons into its winter wools.

My favorite time of the year is finally here. The cool air blowing around all day, to football games on Saturdays. Where there is bonfires on those nights with some warm pumkin spice lattes and so much more.
I look forward to this time of the year and when it is finally here I truly don't want it to change.

The season has pretty much started off right with my Clemson Tigers winning all of the first five games. Making ACC and School history by beating three Top 25 teams in a row. We are 5-0, 2-0 in the ACC and rated number 8 in the AP Coach's Poll at the start of the 6th week of football season and coming home to host Boston College this coming Saturday in the most ever so beautiful Death Valley at 3:30. It makes me nervous to know my Tigers will be stepping out on the field undefeated with BC coming into town. (Just a little remember of one of the reason why all of this is so happy and good for me is we beat Auburn and Carolina lost last night to them) Goooo Tigers!!!

I am trying to come up with some little cute ideas for making the house look more like fall. I am hoping to get some orange and leaves stuff for my front door. Then of course when it gets closer to Halloween I am hoping to fix a pumpkin up for the front step at the house.

Then I am trying to come up with a cheap weekend getaway for me and Jess before our big trip to Columbia at the end of November (Going to watch some Clemson Carolina game for our big 2 year Anny). I would love to take a trip to the mountains but everything is so costly right now and I know Jesse most likely would not go for it. So I am looking for something fun to do.

I was hoping to get the house done better Christmas but I don't know how close that will be. Still have a lot of things going on and can't get everything right now. Between going back to school and everything there is just no time in the day.

I am thinking about getting my mama to write up the receipe for her chicken and dressing in a crock pot, and hopefully some of her could ole cooking you know for the fall weather so hopefully I can cook some good dinner one night.

Since I love the fall and the fall weather plus food I am going to try and blog almost everyday posting something with the fall season...
I found this easy homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte. Hopefuly it is good I am hoping to try it out one night this week.

Pumpkin Spice Latte (Vegan, Gluten Free)

1. Make coffee (a pot, a cup, in whatever fashion and however you prefer making your coffee. The stronger the better)

2. Make Pumpkin Milk

1 c milk (I used almond milk but use any kind you want from half and half to rice milk)

1/4 heaping cup pumpkin puree (more if you really love pumpkin)

2 tsp pumpkin pie spice blend, or to taste

1 tsp cinnamon, or to taste

1 tsp vanilla extract

sweetener of choice, to taste (I suggest 2 tbsp agave or 2 tbsp brown sugar or a pinch of stevia to taste; or try honey, maple syrup, etc. to taste)

Optional: pinch of ground nutmeg, ginger, garam masala, cardamom, or other warming spices to taste

Directions: Combine all ingredients in a small bowl and whisk well by hand or blend all ingredients using a Vita or blender

Optional: Warm the finished pumpkin milk mixture in the microwave or on the stovetop (I do a quick nuke of about 1 minute)

3. Pour 1 c of brewed coffee into a mug and pour half the pumpkin milk mixture over the top of the coffee and enjoy. (Optional: Finish by garnishing with real whipped cream/whipped topping such as CoolWhip or TruWhip; and a sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice/cinnamon on top)

The other half of the pumpkin milk mixture is for the refill you know you will want. If you truly don’t want a refill, refrigerate it for up to a few days and use for your next latte, in a smoothie, or drink it as is. As long as you’re dirtying dishes, I always make a little extra for refills or for later.

Notes:

The spices will not “blend” or entirely dissolve. This is to be expected and normal. If this bothers you, this may not the recipe for you and you may want to experiment with other recipes or techniques.

All spices and seasonings are to taste; in this case, mine. If you want to reduce the spices (or increase them), obviously adjust everything according to your own taste preferences. Some people may find the amounts I used a bit strong, but I like robust flavors.

I have some pics finally from mine and Jesse beach trip to Mrytle Beach!!!

Hopes and Dream Photography...
Jesse and McKenzie 2011

Hopes and Dreams Photography...

Hopes and Dreams Photography...
This one is my favorite out of all of them!!!

Hopes and Dreams Photography...
Jesse and the only two people who will ever love him more than anything!!!

Hopes and Dreams Photography...
This is truly how we are most of the time

Hopes and Dreams Photography...
Love this pic of me

What we did on the main strip Downtown Myrtle Beach...
(Watch Carolina play Georgia outside the Landshark Bar and Grill)

The TV!!!

Watching the game...

The Sky Wheel

Our Classroom and work for the week...

If this was just every morning

Feeding the fish at The Bass Pro Shop

The chair Jesse thinks he is going to have in our living room one day!!!
(Yea well he can think twice about that one)

Playing Putt Putt

Myrtle Beach 2011

The shark someone fishing in...
(I got to touch it and then it turned my head to my toes and I went running)

Yep normal....

My future Mother-In-Law and Aunt
Plus My great photographers (Hopes and Dreams Photography)...
(They are taking appts. if you want your pics done let me know

Jesse's Hot Now Sign and Hat....
Joy, Missie, and I had to get him to even take us there!!!

Labor Day Holiday

2011-09-05T04:43:00.000-04:00

Had to post some pics from the past few monthes

So with it being Labor Day it is great that I am starting it off sitting at work. But just three more hours and I get to enjoy the day with Jess. Things have truly been going great and in one week I will be sitting at the beach with Jesse. Yay now just working on getting things up and ready to take off. well guys I will posted so later today just wanted to drop by while I had a second kenz

New starts just starting!!!

2011-08-25T05:44:00.000-04:00

Well of course almost another month or two has gone by and I have not took the time to sit and blog. So with everything that is starting to happen and coming to change I am sitting the goal right here and now to take it on and start blogging more. To even to just start writing the little stuff down. With the new starts that are going on right now, I truly don't want to miss a single thing. They are truly going to be life difference to start and I don't want to leave anything out.

(But there are something I cannot tell just right now and will have to blog about them as they happen)

First, Monday was the first day of classes for me. God I think I was so nervous I could hardly move or even think straight. I mean after trying or so what trying (if that is what they even call it) more than three times now. You truly get a little worried if it is ever going to happen or if anything is ever going to come of all the money that is being put into me trying to get a degree. But lets just say I lived to make it through Monday and Wednesday classes of this week and only what feels like forever to go left of this fall courses. Just eye on the price December 5. I have looking at it this way I have to take one class at a time and cannot look at the big picture just yet, I will get down and discouraged and I don't need to do that at all this time.

Also Jesse started back school as well but his classes are on Tuesday and Thursday. He seemed to really like it and I am so glad. I was so worried about him it even got me neurvous (yes I was more neurvous than he even was on Tuesday. But like I said him seemed to really enjoy it and seems to be really excitied about going back. I am just so proud of him that he is putting his mind to doing something. Plus the great thing is that this is something that will help both our futures out and give us the best future there could be out there.

Which brings me to some great news about Jesse and me. I know the last timed I blogged we were not doing to well and things were not looking to hot in our future front. Well in the pass two weeks going on three, life between us has truly become the life I had wanted and dreamed of. The amazing thing he is doing and acting. Things have really turned around. I truly know God is working His amazing magic in our lives and the best thing is it is for the better of our relationship. But I keep praying everyday that the happenings that have been happening between the two of us will stay and grow in away that I have never dreamed of before.

So back to just what else that has been going on... Well I am still working like an idiot (that is where I am at as I sit here very tired because of no sleep) and Jesse also went back onto first shift which has been working ok just a lot of getting use to the early morning hours. I am still working on my house and little by little it is slowly coming along.

I got to take a short beach trip to the most wonderful place on earth Destin, Florida with my family. I had an amazing time and so wish I just could live down there full time and never have to work a day in my life.

Also in a few short weeks Jess and I have our trip to the beach together and I truly can not wait.

Well I am going to run and finish up work for the day and hope blog some more later

Kenz

2011-06-29T21:51:00.000-04:00

Hey Yall!!!

So I am so sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I really truly don't know where this month has gone. I have truly been working like a mad dog at work and of course I am here again tonight.

The work in the house is coming a long and hopefully by the end of next week things will be coming more to order that it is right now. We still have the kitchen to paint and clean from top to bottom. Plus the living room is in need of some major overhall and that is going to take a big part to do. But with me working and starting back school at the end of August. There is really no time or the funds to do all that I want to do right now.

Things with Jess, have still been up in the air and I truly don't know how to act or do anymore. The trying is getting harder everyday and when things to look like that are going to get a little better and I speak about it or even think about it for that matter it turns right around and goes south. I truly don't have any idea or clue how to make anything better. Every day is a new day and nothing is the same.

Ok back to a lighter better subject....

Summer is almost half way over and to be it feels like it never started. I have truly been wanting to go on a vacation or a weekend trip or even just a little day trip. But of course there is nothing to do in this little town.

This weekend is the Fourth of July. Truly have nothing planned and really don't know what I am going to do. I want to spend the weekend with Jesse since both of us are off for the holiday weekend.

Hopefully time with not get away from me so much and I can post something soon...

Kenz

Try...

2011-06-10T02:09:00.000-04:00

Try: To make an effort to do or accomplish (something); attempt.

Everyday someone out there is trying. Trying to do something, to accomplish something. We try everyday and get up in the mornings. Usually we accomplish something in a day that we try to do.
Well lately it is feeling like I am doing a whole lot of trying with a little accomplishment. I am getting to the point where I am tired of it. Tired of being the only one trying. I don't know how much more I can try. The push towards the goals is getting longer instead of shorter. Everyday is becoming a battle of will. A battle at being the one. Is it getting close to waving the white flag and putting away all will to work to reach the goal. When two people have come so far, has work so hard to fight to give love to each other. Where do you draw the line at when there is only one person trying at it. Where do you put your foot down and learn that trying is just becoming to much to handle anymore. That you trying will never be good enough to win the battle. Where does all of this stuff just stop and you say enough is enough.

Loving: to have love or affection for.

We do this everyday. Love. A four letter word that makes the world goes around it seems like. But love is sometimes never enough it seems like. I wish with everything in me that love could just fix everything. That loving someone would just be enough for once. But it feels like it ain't. That no matter how hard you try to love someone that your try is not enough. That your feel and affection is not what they want.

Relationship: A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other

We have all kinds of relationships. Friends, family, and once we have that relationship with the love of our lives we are hooked. To have that relationship with that soul mate is everything. But what if that relationship that we thought we had with that soul mate was falling apart. What do you do then. That relationship that you are fighting like hell to keep together, the one you are praying for every secon of everyday. How to do stop that relationship from falling apart, from becoming something a thing of the past. When all you want is the true future.

I am hoping for some answers to these questions. To know that the trying and the fighting is not going to be for nothing. That what we had that was so amazing just two years ago has not been lost forever. To know that the love we had is right there and can be so amazing once more.

Kenz

Hot June!!!

2011-06-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

Hey guys!!! So I am sitting at work and starting thinking about how I haven't blogged anything in a while. I thought I would try and catch up on everything that has been going on lately.
The past two weeks have been crazy. Two weekends ago my little cousin Jacob graduated from high school in Georgia. It is truly hard to believe that he is even old enough to gratuate. It seems like just yesterday he was little. Of course I cried at graduation. He was second in his class so he got to make his speech which was amazing!!! That weekend we ended up staying in a hotel because Nise's was so busy. Which we had a great time together!!!
That Monday was Memorial Day and the first time Jesse was off with me in like a month it felt like. Monday was a pretty chilled day we really didn't do anything special because it was so hot.
So the next week I pretty much worked my butt off like I normally do. Until last Wednesday I ended up in the hospital in Greenville in ICU. My blood sugar got so high and I went into DKA. I spent Wednesday, Thursday and Friday in the hospital. But I am feeling ten times better now. My blood sugar is back down and getting under control!!!
This weekend was busy as well. Jesse got the weekend off again which is surpising. We spent the time together just relaxing and working on a new project. This beautiful little chair for me. That Jesse sanded down and redid it. We still are not done but hopefully it will be done this coming weekend.

So now that I pretty much filled yall in on everything. I am going to run back to work. I will try and post something later.

Kenz <3

2011-05-17T03:04:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna wear you down
I'm gonna make you see
I'm gonna get to you
You're gonna give into me
I'm gonna start a fire
You're gonna feel the heat
I'm gonna burn for you
You're gonna melt for me

Come on, come on
Into my arms
Come on, come on
Give into me

You're gonna take my hand
Whisper the sweetest words
And if you're ever sad
I'll make you laugh
I'll chase the hurt
My heart is set on you
I don't want no one else
And if you don't want me
I guess I'll be all by myself

Come on, come on
Into my arms
Come on, come on
Give into me

I'll use my eyes to draw you in
Until I'm under your skin
I'll use my lips, I'll use my arms

Come on, come on, come on
Give into me
Give into me
Give into me

Jesse,

The past two years of my life have been the best ever. I truly could never ask for anything better. You have given me so much and we have been though so much. I am so grateful that you have allowed me to share all of the things we have share together. You are the light of my life. I love you will all my heart baby.

I Love You,

Thousand of Hugs and Billions of Kisses,

Kenzie <3

Wonderful Weekend to a Wild Monday

2011-05-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hey yall!!!
How is everyone. I can't believe that it is already Monday night at 11:30. It seems like just yesterday was Friday afternoon. I swear time is flying by.
This weekend was so busy but was well spent. Of course I worked 5 center on Thursday night but I got off at 6 so I could get ready for an interview that I had and so I could take Chan to school Friday morning for mama. My interview was for a job as a nursing assistant in Sencea. After that I ended up going and picking up Anna from school so we could have a girls day together. We wented up eating lunch with her mom Robin at Firehouse Subs in Easley. After eating our good lunch. Anna and I had our toes done. Which no one knows how amazing that is to me. I don't get it done but about every six monthes but when I do I love it. So our toes were done for the weekend. After that we got Anna's golf clubs and headed out to Smithfields. Wow the memories that come back. I really found out how much I missed playing golf. (Of course I had to hit a few balls with Anna's clubs). So Anna and I have said that we are going to stay playing together during the summer. Which makes me really excited and I truly can't wait. Well after Smithfields and having to wash my feet off in the parking lot, we went to Wal-mart and got stuff to make home made pizza and to highlight my hair. Both things turned out really good. The pizza tasted really good and my hair looks really good. By the end of the night I was getting really sleepy and was falling asleep while Anna was doing my hair. But can you blame me I had been up for 36 hours by that time of the night. Well finally her and I made our way to bed.
Saturday, was again another great day. We ended up at the Greenville mall just walking around killing time. Anna got to live my broke life for a little while LOL. Then we met up with her family and some friend at the Liberty Tap Room to eat dinner. We had a wonderful time. That night I stayed there again. But the good thing was we stayed went to bed at a better time than Friday night.
Sunday morning was amazing morning. I got up at Anna's and got dressed and headed over to Jesse's like every Sunday. Just our time together, words cannot explain how amazing it is to get to spend that morning with him. The time is perfect and I truly could not asked for me. So anyways, our day pretty much was that morning after finally waking Sleep Beauty up we went to Walmart (our weekly trip lol), Had lunch a CiCi's Pizza in Easley, Went shopping around, and then ended up on the front swing out at Jesse's Grandma's house. Finally making it to BiLo and him cooking me dinner.
Like I said I have had a truly wonderful weekend. Now I am back at work where all the crazies are out. I am truly ready for a vacation. Which I think I am going to get one at the end of the month. With Jake's Graduation on Friday, Party on Saturday then break on Sunday, and hopefully Carowinds on Monday with Jesse. I don't know yet but I will keep yall updated.
Maybe I can post something later tonight but I am going to get back to work.

Kenzie <3

Work Day Wednesday

2011-05-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone, hope yall's day is going wonderful for this beautiful Wednesday. Of course I am at work like I normal am.

So with the weather getting even closer to bathing suit season. I am hoping to be in good shape for all of that so between moving and working hopefully things will work out the way they should.

Well just wanted to drop a little line have to return to work. Hopefully post some more later if I have time

Kenzie

Long Time No Up Day!!!

2011-05-09T21:06:00.000-04:00

Wow looking back at the post it has been several months that I have not posted anything. So now I am sitting at work and thought I would take some time and updated this thing.
It has been a very weird few months. I have finally started moving in Mot's house and I never knew it would be such hard work trying to get a house fixed the way that you want it. I have almost got my bathroom done and I am working on my bedroom now. Been trying to get everything for my room at my parents moved over there. I wish I could truly blink my eyes and it all be done.
I am trying to find a red sofa to get for my living room. I founded one at Big Lots a couple of months ago but they don't seem to have it again. It is stressing me out cause I had this whole plan that it involved this red sofa. But we have a lot of thing that we are selling so if you are looking for something kitchen, bedroom, dinning or living room let me know I have tons of stuff.
But I am excited abut getting everything painted though...
     Bathroom: White and Lime Green
     Bedroom: Sea Blue and White with Cherrywood
     Kitchen: Burnt Orange with shades of green, sea blue, reds, and brown
     Living Room: Carmel, Red, and Chocolate Brown
I am just ready for everything to get right.
Of course the 24th of April was my birthday!!! I had a truly wonderful weekend. Friday I had date night with Jesse. He took me shopping for more clothes. After that we went to eat a great mexican place in Greenville. Then Saturday we went fishing on the river off Highway 11 up in the mountains. Fishing is not my favorite thing to do but I had a lot of fun with Jesse. That morning we stopped and brought us a drink to take with us. Well after about a few hours of not catching anything I was getting bored and was ready to go. That is when I got the biggest laugh I had all day, Jesse fell into the river. Needless to say he drove us home in his underwear that afternoon. After getting home we took a nap on the couch like we do almost everyday. Then that night we went shopping in the Old Navy outlets in Anderson and then met up with my parents, sister and Aunt Mot for dinner at Outback. Then Sunday my birthday (which happened to be Easter Sunday as well) We went to church that morning, Had a truly amazing service. Then we went and ated out at Grandma Dover's house. But after night service that night Joy got a cake and some ice cream to have for my birthday. Of course I had a wonderful birthday weekend that still didnt end then. Monday my parents took me out to Olive Garden to eat and enjoy being 21. I truly had an amazing time.
So now it brings me back to just working a trying to get everything worked out with the house. As you can see I have been so busy and my life is sure not slowing down anything soon.
Plus I am hoping to at least take two or three classes the fall on-line of course so I can still work my 40 plus hours a week. So that is something that is coming up soon.
I am going to try and keep more update with this thing and hope for some good stories to come.

Kenzie

Last Day of February...

2011-02-28T06:53:00.000-05:00

As the morning of day starts I am starting to look back on this short month and all the ups and downs I faced in a short little time. But day starts a new project and a new sense of hope is coming. I am hoping that as one month ends and other begins that the downs that I have had comes to a end and it starts to look up for here. I have some goals for the next month to try and get done...

Get Mot's house cleaned out and move in...
Work on my relationship troubles
Push towards having the money to get moved in, fixed up, new phone, etc...
Start planning something for my 21st birthday with the man I love
Make sure things are going good with us by the end of next month

(ALL WITH GOD'S AMAZING HELP!!!)

So as I work to get all my goals done I am going to start blogging more. It seem to help me a lot more when I did cause I could just right and get it all laid out there. Get everything off my mind and it help clean some things up for me as well.
I am just hoping everything with work out. But I know that all of this is in God's time not mine!!!

Eyes Wide Open

2011-02-26T00:56:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing that I want more than anything in this world it would be to be with my best friend for the rest of my life. To have a thousand of life times with him. For every moment of time from here to entirety I would have the one man I love more than anything in this world.
Tonight I saw how much I love and care for him. Tonight for the first time in a long time I felt like everything was the way it was to be. I love him with everything inside of me. I am so thankful that a little less than a year and half ago this amazing man walked into my life and made the world a better place to live in.

Tonight we had just amazing night like we use to on Friday night when he would work. I went and met up with him at the shop. We went out for a quick dinner on his lunch break. We got to have some time together just us to like we use to. Talking and laughing at each other which haven't been done in a long time. But I am not counting my blessing to soon because all of this amazing stuff could change in a blink of an eye.
Tomorrow we have Grandma Holbrooks funeral at 2. So be praying for Jesse, Joy, Missy and all of his amazing family that I have fell in love with and felt apart of. After the funeral we are heading to Atlanta to get his bumper measured for his bumper he is having made. I am praying that everything will go just as amazing as it did tonight. So I am going to turn the light out and head to bed have to be up at 6 in the morning. Be saying a little prayer for us.
Love
Kenz<3

Sweet Little Memories

2011-02-25T05:16:00.000-05:00

Winds blow against my window and I rolled over to hold him tight and I just had to keep reaching cause he wasn't there. The past month has had so many ups and downs I can't believe that I have had to wake up with him not next to me. Yea we are still together but I haven't gotten to sleep beside him in a month. He has held me in my sleep for a month. If I only knew that the last time we got to dream beside each other would have been our last for a long time I would have prayed that time would have stopped. That the night on the floor would go on forever and would never come to an end. I miss having him beside me. I wish that I could open my eyes and this really bad dream would come to an end. I feel like I have been suck in hell for a month and there has been nothing to stop it. I am so afraid of losing my best friend, my love, my soul, my everything. I miss the way things were and I pray everyday and every hour of the day that goes by things would go back and heal itself. I can't sleep at night and can't eat and feel like my world will soon come to an end if I lose him. I truly can go through all these feelings again. I have been here, done it, bought the ugly tshirt, and wore it out. I am ready for my life to go back to the good and the way it was and things to heal. I miss that way and I truly don't know how to get it back especially with everything going on around me. I just want my life to be better and to be able to hold him once again. I miss him and I love him more than anything right now. God I pray that things will get better soon. I can't lose my best friend over something like this. I love him and need to be with him for the rest of my life.

Long Time...

2011-01-08T09:13:00.000-05:00

I know it has been several months since I have last posted anything. Just life has been so stressed lately. I have been working about 60-72 hours a week first it was to save up money for Christmas then Valentine's day and Jesse's Birthday but now that Christmas is over the whole V-day and Birthday as been put aside since I have to buy my own car now. Because the beautiful (but piece of crap) Xterra is gone :(...
The Tuesday after Christmas I had a MAJOR wreck and totaled the car. Both airbags had came out and the whole front end was gone. So now I am stuck trying to find a good car that I can pay for right now.
Now on top of everything that is going on with that, my Aunt Mot has increasing gotten worst and has now been to a neurologist. She is getting to were she cannot remember things and getting really bad. I have cried and cried because with them wanting me to help, my nerves cant take it plus with me trying to work so much I have no clue when there will be any time.
I never thought that I would be facing all of this right at the beginning of a new year. I was hoping for a fresh new start. Yea right guess I can dream on... Life has just been so crazy lately.
Plus I have been so stressed out with Jesse. I sometimes just want to brake down and cry because I feel so afraid I will lose everything I have ever dreamed up. I almost have to walk on eggshells around him. I have to watch what I say when I say it and everything or he does something to me. Plus I am so tired of the second shift crap. Like right now we have things to do but he will not get out of bed. Then on Sunday it is the same thing I just pray something will change for the better soon. I truly don't know how much more I am strong enough to take. I just pray that God will give me the strength to get me through all this.

So I figured since I have posted hopefully my pics will kinda tell the story that has been going on the past two months....

16 hours at work

2010-11-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

So everyone will never understand how much I love my job. I just am so puzzled on why I signed on to work on extra 4 hours on the 12 hrs I was scheduled. I am just so thankful that I have a great job that I love. I just really need the money I want things and want to be able to buy Jesse more Christmas plus I still have all my family to buy for.
On to the subject of Jesse and I since I did bring that up. I am just to the point where I am truly afraid I am going to lose him. I mean the first thing he informes me of the other day of that Jeff told him that Elizabeth and her husband called it quit. I just have this itchy feeling that Jeff really would rather have Jesse with Elizabeth and not me. Even though he has never meet me. I am afraid and don't know how to act. I wish I just tell them all off or I had the ring on my finger that would help me feel better about the whole thing.
I wish I could talk to Jesse about it but I get myself into a fuss with him when I start something.

Week in Atl

2010-11-17T20:27:00.000-05:00

Hey my beautiful readers this month has truly flew by and it is almost Thanksgiving. Which has become one of my favorite times of the year. And I can't believe that the same day Jesse and I will have been together for a year.
This week has been really chill somewhat. I worked on Monday morning and left and come to Nise's that night so I could take care of her for the week seeing how she just had her surgery last Friday. Which everything went amazing and could not ask for more.
I have had a great time just chilling at the house. Pretty much watched tons of CSI and NCIS. But I leave tomorrow to go back home and then of course I go straight back to work on Friday morning. I wish I would get sometime with Jesse but that is life I guess.
Hope next weekend will be great cause we are coming back to Nise's for Thanksgiving and then coming back to Anderson for the BIGGEST GAME OF THE SEASON CLEMSON vs. CAROLINA!!! I truly cannot wait to be able to spend that time with my love.
Well I am just going to go so I can head back to watching tv.
Post something new soon
Love
Kenz<3

Amazing 11 months

2010-10-26T00:49:00.000-04:00

I just couldn't believe that yesterday 11 months ago I fell for the most amazing man that I have ever share my life with. With a blink of an eye I found my best friend my soul mate my everything. I am truly thankful that God placed him in my life and I could never ask for anyone better to be with than him.
With every laugh, every fight, every tear good and bad I am so glad that I get to share a lifetime of amazing times together. We still have a long time ahead of us and I truly cannot wait to share this with him.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW JESSE HESTER.

Colder Weather...

2010-10-19T01:03:00.000-04:00

     Truly hope that everyone is having a great month of October, with all the fall weather coming in I am really excited that it is my favorite time of the year. I know that I have really posted anything in a few weeks but I have been so busy working third that I really hadn't had time. But I finally have time to type out a blog and I really have a lot to talk about.
     Well the last news that has been going on that Mot last week had to have an emergency surgery on an ulcer. Then the next morning around 3:30 she inhaled fluid into her lungs and was unresponsive, which got her a trip to ICU where she spent two days there. Finally she was discharged home but had to come home on oxygen and taking breathing treatments. Other than that she is doing better.
   Then even worst news (I know how could it get worst). October 9, 2010 at about 10 in the morning Gladys Richey (Mot's best friend of 45 years) lost her battle with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. Gladys was like another grandmother to me. Jim and Gladys was who we would go to the Clemson games with. She was a wonderful Godly woman and will be greatly missed.
   Through all of this that was going on I was trying to get to spend some time with my best friend and the love of my life. It has been a truly long two weeks of fighting to find time. So Friday night he was working but did still take me to eat at Five Guys in Greenville and took me to walk around Academy for a little while. Then Saturday after he went hunting and I went to the game, we met up and went to eat with Eric and Nicole plus the kids at Silver Bay. Took a little trip with them to Walmart and went back to their house and had us a little bonfire out back of their house. Then Sunday we went to his dads for a little while before I had to go to work. So this weekend so better but I still wish I could spend some time just us. Hopefully I will be able to have that this weekend.
   This week is going to be so crazy too because we are having revival at church. So if yall want something to do and something that will be a blessing come to Enon Baptist Church in Easley, SC this week till Thursday night it starts at 7pm each night. But everyone should come on Wednesday night. Wednesday is our Youth Night. My Acteens will be performing their movement routine that I teach on Wednesday nights that night for the music special.
   Which is another reason why I have been so busy trying to getting everything up for them. We are ordering shirts for them to wear for dance and for our trip next weekend to the Carolina Girls in North Carolina. I am really excited cause I get to spend the weekend with my wonderful girls and my wonderful mother-in-law (well not yet but she will be someday and trust me she is wonderful and love her very much).
   So the next few weeks will be crazy.
*Revival: this week
*Clemson vs Georgia Tech at Home: this Saturday
*Trunk-A-Treat: next Wednesday night at Enon at 6:30 (everyone invited)
*Carolina Girls: next weekend
*Nise's Surgery: first week in November
*Then getting ready for Thanksgiving, One Year Anniversary, Clemson vs Carolina Game
   I know just thinking about the next few months and weeks is mind blowing. I just can't believe that in a month Jesse and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary together. What should we do hummmmmm.

Nise Cancer Report:
Ok so Nise is finally done with all chemo right now. YAY!!!! She will go for her surgery the first week in November. I am off to go down and take care of her. So everyone continue to pray that the surgery will go just as well as the chemo has and that the recovery part is very speedy.

   Well I am going to get off. Hopefully I got everyone updated. I will try to find sometime to post really soon.
Kenz

Fall Is Truly Here....

2010-10-04T22:52:00.000-04:00

Well Happy Fall everyone...
   It is truly fall now and I could not be more excited. Fall is my favorite time of the year. Everything about it just makes everything feel prefect. I am so excited. The cool in the air, the leaves, bonfires, blankets and hoodies. I am so amazed by it all.
     I am hoping that maybe this weekend before deer hunting starts and since Clemson is away, Jesse and I can take a little early fall vacation up to the mountains. We need something like that since we are closing up everything that has been going on in our life lately and fixing to start a very busy time in our lives and stress on a relationship called HUNTING SEASON!!! I am excited at the same time because I know I will get to go with Jesse some but it is still a stress on us but I know God will work it all out.
     I am so tired sitting here writing this because I woke up at like7-7:30 Sunday morning went to church and didn't take a nap before going to work 12 hours last night but then ended up working over till almost 8:30 cause I watched the desk while the staff meeting went on but then went and got about a hour of sleep with Jesse. After that went to his papa's house and ate the doves that we killed finally. Oh and yesterday I got to watch Jesse, Chris and Terry cut the balls of 4 pigs yesterday afternoon which was super cool!!!
     So anyway I am going to go and try and get some sleep I will try and post something soon. Hope everyone has a great night
Love,
Kenz<3

Fall Late Nights

2010-09-29T05:52:00.000-04:00

In a few hours guys I will have to be starting my very very long day and I still have yet to fall asleep. Just the past few days have been long so I can't sleep. Lets see it all start with Sunday I got up and went to church and then of course worked 7p-7a after that Monday I didn't really sleep cause I was off that night and I wouldn't have slept that night if I slept all day. So I was planning on going with Jesse and looking at a new truck for him but he never texted me ore nothing. Which of course lead to a big fight that has been going on all day still. It just ticked me off because after wanting to be apart of the whole buying the new truck and wanting him to think about us before he brought it and getting fussed out for that. He turned right around and asked for my help with buying the truck. He doesn't see how buying a new truck will affect me in the years to come. But this truck is some much smaller than his dodge and better on gas I get that. But trust me when we do have kids there is no way he will be able to put a car seat in the back like he would have in the dodge. I know I know but he even says his self that the reason he brought the dodge was because it was what he wanted first and the it was very roomy to fit a family in. He just doesn't think, so we have been fussing about that. Well then I am working 11p-7a Wednesday night and 7p-7a Thursday, so since no sleeping tonight I am going to be really struggling then. Plus I have church before work and I have to be at Jesse's house to leave to take the new truck back to the Ford dealership at 7:30am so we are going to have to find a little time for a nap in somewhere between all this.
Even though me and Jesse have been fighting the pass two days now, I was listening on the radio on my way home tonight and this amazing song came on the radio of course I thought that one day the words to this song would be just for Jesse but as I thought more and more the words to the song has been the example my daddy has been sitting the past 7 years. Between raising a family with two girls, be a husband and working second and third shift and plus working two jobs at a time and going back to school full time I know that no matter how hard life seems to be God will get us through everything that he puts in front of us. As long as we still do the things he has commanded us to. And I believe that my daddy has done just that. He has been a great example of a Family Man. Plus I see so much of Jesse being just like him. So I know everyone is wanting to know this song...Family Man by Craig Campbell:

I've been working as a temp
At the local factory
I hope they hire me on full time
I've got shoes to buy
and a mouth to feed.

I drive a buy here, pay here truck
It ain't new, but it is for me
It ain't much but it fires right up
and get me from A to B

What puts the dirt underneath my nails
What keeps the calluses on my hands
Family man

They're a world my world revolves around
My sacred piece of solid ground
The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand
They are a fire in my drivin on
The drive behind my comin home
The livin, breathin, reason that I am
A family man

There's dirty shirts to wash
Dishes in the sink to do
And there's how many times
Does 17 go into 52
There's bedtime prayers to pray
Sleep tights and I love you's
And then there's a pair of eyes
I get to lose myself into

What keeps me keepin the faith
What makes me believe I can
Family man

They're a world my world revolves around
My sacred piece of solid ground
The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand
They are a fire in my drivin on
The drive behind my comin home
The livin, breathin, reason that I am
A family man

There's a fire in my drivin on
The drive behind my comin home
The livin, breathin, reason that I am
A family man

A family man

Always the words to the song has even been my life for the past three months with Jesse and I am so thankful that we had that time together and even now the time we are getting to spend together as well. Of course life has been no cake walk and things have been hard but with God and love we have so how gotten through it. And even after all the tears and hard words that were said, we have some how made it through even when it has never looked like it. I am truly thankful for that.

It was hard to believe Saturday Jesse and I had been together for 10 months and November will be our year anniversary. I think and remember what my life was like just a year ago and I would have never dreamed that my life would have turned out this right. I am so thankful for thank. This year has been one to remember for everything that I have been blessed with.

So since this has been really my first blog this fall I haven't really got to talk about my Tigers. The first game which was September 4 was against North Texas which we won, second game September 11 against PC was another win for the Tigers, then the third game was at Auburn which was lost by a field goal in over time... What a heart breaker that game was. We were off this past weekend but Jesse's Gamecocks which were 3-0 went and played Auburn (so the week after we beat up on them). Everyone thought they were so good this year well they lost the game by 8points and it was in regular playing time. So looks like we just might have a chance this November. So anyways this Saturday we play at 12 against Miami for Homecoming. Well Jesse is going with me and I am super excited. Even though he won't cheer for Clemson but that will be ok he is just still go which is all that matters.

NISE'S CANCER REPORT:

Well Nis is doing so great right now. She has one more chemo treatment, which is Oct. 4 so which is next Monday and then they will schedule her surgery. They say will be the first or second week in November. I am so thankful for all the prayers and everything from everyone we are almost half way done with part of the battle. We are praying that she does just as great with the surgery as she has with the chemo. Everyone keep the prayers going we are greatly thankful for them.

Anyways I will try and post something last since I have a long next two days ahead of me. Hope everyone keeps enjoy this new cool weather we are having and have a great day. Love yall

Ken<3

Really Been Putting Off

2010-09-03T16:58:00.000-04:00

So every time I get on the post something it is like everything just leaves me and I truly don't know what to write. But I am on a mission to post something today. The past week has been really good and I can't wait for the next few months. I know I don't need to wish my life away but it is truly exciting. I am picking up some more hours at work cause ok big news. Jesse quit his job a St Jude. I know I prayed he would get the job but the working everyday and the long hour plus all the drama was killing him, killing me, and our relationship, plus the most important time for church and everything God has truly blessed us with. The moment we were standing in Firehouse when Charlie called and asked him about everything he needed to know about coming back full time at the shop his mood was changed. For the first time in months there was a smile that lite up his whole face and everything just seemed right. He hugged me in a way he hasn't in months and I will never forget that. I just now pray that this was the right thing and God will bless us because we are going to both have to help each other.
Then plus the first Clemson game is TOMORROW so ready for my boys to take the field again and show people how to play some football. Kickoff is at 3:30 in Death Valley against North Texas and I am taking my best Friend Jenna. I truly can't wait.
On top of all this it is Labor Day weekend and Jesse and I are both off for the holiday. He is taking me Dove Hunting (OH LORD HELP). Wish I am really happy I get to tag along with him.
But anyways I am going to run there will be pics to come of the upcoming events and plus I think tonight me and Jesse are going to the rodeo at the fair so even pics of that.
Love
Kenz<3

Beach Pics

2010-08-24T18:03:00.000-04:00

Third Shift Night...

2010-08-22T01:35:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys,
     Ok yes I know I have been a little off with updating and everything. So while I have a min I was going to try to get a little update in.
     The last post I posted was when we were fixing to leave for the beach. Which the beach was amazing. We had a wonderful together down in Destin. Even though the June grass was in, it was still so beautiful. I think I have Jess hooked for life now.
     We left Sunday night after Jess got off of work and drive straight down to the beach. Jess surprised me he drove the whole way to Florida and then 20 miles past the state line he pulled over and gave the wheel to me. The drive down there was great. Even though I about throw the lying whore aka the GPS out the window five thousand times. (Which the GPS caused a fuss between us but just one we got over after Jess found out I was right when we talked to Daddy on the phone). Then of course Jess thought it would be smart to try and tell me he was right about something about Clemson Football (come on now really?). But because of all that we had a great time laugh and just being together. We ended up getting there around 2:00 (Florida time so 3:00 here). Monday, we got up and went and spent all day on the beach. Of course Jess had to go swimming with his phone that day. Which was a mess in itself. We had to call AT&T get them to over-night him a phone because his was fried, go to AT&T down there get a new sims card, get his calls transferred to my phone until he got his new one. All best he didn't want to miss the call on his truck (lol). Well that night we also had a date night just us to. We went to Bass Pro, O'Charley's, and of course Wal-mart. Tuesday was the same thing but that night we ate in with mama and daddy. After dinner Jess, Chan, and I went back to Wal-mart. Jess brought me a shirt (very cute) and then after Wal-mart we had to the HOT & NOW SIGN that was on and get 2 dozen of doughnuts which where gone by Wednesday morning (I swear we are such pigs.). Wednesday was our last day in Destin. We went and spent the morning on the beach and at lunch time we came end because of the rain. Wednesday was dinner out night with the whole family, we ended up eating at Cheeseburger and Paradise. It was ok not wonderful but ok. After that we ended up going shopping. Of course back to the Bass Pro, the shops around there, Bed Bath & Beyond, and of course one of my favorites Rue 21. After all that walking we headed back to the house where we watch a movie together and had so good ole family time. Thursday morning Jess and I got up at 4 and packed up and left around 5:30 (Florida time) and got home around 3pm (our time). It would have been sooner but we stop and ate breakfast at Huddle House right as you come into Alabama and ate lunch at DQ in Georgia. But our beach trip was amazing and a much need trip at that.
     Of course I have tons of pics and I will post some soon just can't at work but will when I get home.
     Well that was beach week then there is this week to update as well.
     Monday I had a eye doctor appointment and I swear I really do have the best boyfriend ever. That morning he got up and took me. Then not only that he ended up buying my new glasses for me. (Which I will post a pic of too).  Then for lunch we went to lunch with my Nanny. It ended up being Jess, Me, Chan, Emily, Ally, her little friend, and Nanny at J Peters (so good if you like Copper River you will love this place) but take someone to share with it is really a lot of food.
     Tuesday, I was a good girlfriend and returned the favor by getting up and going with him to Pickens to get his pipes ran out the back of his truck. Which seem to take forever and a day. After that we got a pizza and cuddled up on the couch until time for him to go to work like always.
     Wednesday we had a laid back day of sleeping in and not doing anything. The same with Thursday but we also cleaned out my closet which took half the afternoon till I had to go to work at 7pm. Thursday I got pulled to CCU so I signed up for a so extra days which tonight was one of them and Monday night will be another.
     Then Friday I some what slept. That night we went to eat at Cracker Barrel for Jesse's Papa Tony's birthday. Which then that night I went to the church and helped with the Youth Lock-In while Jess slept away in the bed. I truly had so much fun even though I didn't get any sleep.
     Which bring me today. We went down for the MaMahan Family Reunion. Well Mot, Mama, and Me went. After that we took our trip to Wal-mart in the rain. Then I was off to Liberty, where I took another trip to Wal-mart with Jess and got some dinner before coming to work tonight at 11pm.
     So I guess the plan for the next few days is...

Church in the morning
Sleep after that
Work again tonight
Sleep Monday morning
Little time with Jess
Work Monday night
Then Sleep Tuesday morning
And enjoy the next two days off by spending them with Jess

     So Mot gave Jess her ticket to the South Carolina Clemson game. This is amazing because this will be his first one and he gets to share it with me. Just my tigers just need to whip so gamecock butt. Yes I know super excited two weeks and Clemson kick off their first game SO EXCITED.
     But the only bad thing is everyone needs to keep praying Mot's best friend Gladys was diagnosed with Cancer so we are keeping our fingers crossed and praying everything goes like it should.

Nise's Cancer Report:
       Nise has been doing amazing. She has had so much energy to be going to going through all this.  She went last with to the surgeon and He said the surgery will most likely be either the first or second week in November. She is half way done with chemo and goes Monday for her 4th treatment so everyone keep praying.  Her blood work has been looking good so we are praying and keeping our fingers crossed. We thank yall so much for all the prays and hopefully everything will keep going great.

So I am going to run I will post pics this morning when I get home.
Love,
Kenz<3

Beach Bound...WELL ALMOST

2010-08-06T13:32:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone...Well I know that the summer is almost over and everyone is getting ready for school and all kinda was stuff. But me, I am fixing to leave to go to the beach!!! Yay I cannot wait. I have had to wait all summer and finally get to take off to the beach with Jess. I have been trying to get everything up and ready for us to leave on Sunday. Just have been so hard cause I have had a really bad week with work and everything going on with me and Jess.
I am just so ready for the fight and fussing to stop and I just hope that the beach trip kinda help with all of that. But anyways. I worked all this week so hopefully when I get back I will have a good pay check and some good hours waiting on me lol.
Well just wanted to update real quick...Heading out to get some stuff for the beach and try and find a white polo for Jess to wear for pics on the beach. Hopefully I will post something soon.
Love
Kenz<3

Sweet Summertime

2010-07-28T15:28:00.000-04:00

Well hope everyone's summer is going great. It doesn't even fell like it should almost be August but it is so. Anyways the past few weeks have been crazy for me so I really haven't got to update really so I figure while I got a few minutes I would fill everyone in on everything that has been going on.
Last week was such a crazy week I have class at work from 8-4 everyday and VBS 5:30-8:30 everyday after that. So I was pretty much so tired I could barely hold my eyes open at the end of the day. My class was really good. There were only three of us girls in there and we were all from the same floor so it was so much fun. Then VBS was amazing. I helped Joy (Jesse's mama) and Candy out with the music and had a blast laughing and cutting up learning the songs and dancing all week. We truly got our workout every night with jumping around with Yes to VBS. (Which we had to do like 6-7 times a night).
Plus my mama's 44th birthday was last week, so Saturday night we went out to eat at Outback to celebrate. Jess of course gave my mama payback for his birthday by telling them it was hers. Fun Times Fun Times.
Now the next two weeks are going to be me working on the floor learning my new stuff from class and then leaving for the beach and I cannot wait. Of course my parents get to leave that morning and I can't till that afternoon cause Jess could get off work which sucks royally. But like I have said I am just truly thankful he is getting to go with us to the beach. Everything is still looking good down in Destin as far as the oil leak goes and I am just praying it stays that way.

NISE"S CANCER REPORT:
Of course the report on Nise is that everything is going great. She has gone through two treatments now and the doctors are really excited on how the tumor is getting smaller with just those to treatments. She had a hard time last time bouncing back from this second treatment but she is doing great. So of course keep the prayers coming we need all the prayers we can get.

Well hope everyone has a great rest of the week hopefully I can post something really soon.
Love
Kenz<3

Late Nights...

2010-07-14T03:09:00.000-04:00

Hey guys...
Hope everyone had a great day yesterday and hopefully will have a great day today. It is like 3 in the morning and Jess is just now getting off so I still have about 30 more minutes till I head to bed. I will truly be glad when he gets off this crazy schedule and Our live can go back to working on a some what normal schedule. Now do not get my wrong, I love the fact that Jess works second so I get to see more of him during the week and He gets to stay here every night during the week but three so I think four out of seven is so much better than two out of seven. I just wish we could go to bed together at a reasonable hour and not at 4 in the morning.
Anyways now that I have got that off my chest I can finally let yall in on how today was. I will have to admit that we really didn't get out of be till 1:30 this afternoon. I know we were complete lazy butts. But anyways after taking forever to get up and get ready, we finally went to BK to eat lunch. Ok now for real this is a promise...If I have to eat another BK Hamburger again in the next few weeks I am going to scream. But anyways after eating lunch Jess left for lunch leaving me here to keep the dog. So Me and him went to my aunt mot's for a little while and ran around town for her. Then about 8:30 I went to eat dinner with Jess in Greenville where he is working tonight. Then I came home and have been taking care of the dog and knitting for a while trying to kill time before he gets of. Wish I am really ready to hit my pillow. Of course Spunky has been sleeping away in my lap.
So tonight I have made a choice that I really need to do something about the way I am looking these days. With just my clothes and stuff. Ok yes I could lose a few pounds but no 35-40 lbs like I lost this time last year. I was just looking about how I could just cut out all the snacking I do at home and there goes a few of the pounds I need to lose. Hopefully then I can be happy that I look really good for Jess. So who know maybe it will all work itself out. But I am going to hop off here, so I can make the bed up somewhat and go open the door so Jess can get in when he gets here which he just called saying he was on 85 so it should be about 20mins now so...Hopefully I can post something tomorrow or something. Hope everyone has a great day.
Love Kenz<3

Much Need Catch Up...

2010-07-13T00:37:00.000-04:00

Hey guys...Hope everyone is doing great this week and had a wonderful weekend.

There is so much I need to catch up on since I really haven't blogged in about a week. Last week was such a great week. Sunday of course was the 4 of July. I ended up getting my schedule worked out where I got to be off all day with Jess, which was very nice since it was his first day off in almost 37 days. Sunday, really wasn't all that exciting. I got off work and came home and slept a little while. After getting in a good cat nap we got up and got dressed and went to Liberty to get stuff up for Jess for the week. Leaving Liberty was came and went to the mall for just a few minutes. Then came back to my house and ate a good dinner and headed down to the lake for the firework show with my family. Of course after that we had to stop at Walmart and get the stuff to take with us Monday.
Monday we got up at like around 5 and got our stuff and headed to the lake for the day. Jess and I stopped and ate breakfast. We got down to the lake right around 7am and stayed on the lake till about 6:30. Jess got so burnt, He was so red. All because he would not let me put any sunscreen on him till right when he started to burn (to late then babe). But we still had a lot of fun. We spent almost all day at the waterfall, swimming and falling asleep on the boat. I can't wait for him to have another day off like that.

Tuesday night, I took Chan and Anna and one of their friends bowling. We had a great time and it was really fun. I haven't been bowling since me and Jess started dating and that seems like forever ago.

The rest of the week has been pretty much calm and non eventful. Just that I worked on Thursday night and Jess has worked everyday this week like always. So not really exciting there but other than that everything is going good. I am keeping Joy's dog this week while her and Steve has gone to the beach. Next week is going to be the crazy week. I have class with work, and then VBS at night with church so it is going to be a crazy schedule. Anyways I am going to go dry my hair before Jess gets home since I finished painting my room and that to have a shower I was so nasty. Hope everyone has a great week I will try to post something later.
Love Kenz<3

One More Hour Feels Like One More Year...

2010-07-04T05:58:00.000-04:00

Well, it is finally getting here. One more hour and I am running for the door. I swear this has been the longest night of my life. We are still left with our five patients who have been very good all night now worries here. I truly cannot wait to head out that door and run for the hills. The next two days I pray will be wonderful. I will give you all the low down soon. Hope everyone is sleeping well. I will be here in about a little over an hour. Well good night from me
Kenz<3

So want to be at Home!

2010-07-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

     Right now working third shift is the last place I want to be. I would so much rather be at home with the love of my life who I haven't seen since Thursday night and it is truly killing me. So with saying that it comes to the conculsion that I didn't get to go eat lunch with him today. Pretty much the big to-do list was a big fat joke. All I got done today was sleep and nothing else. Which was kinda good since tomorrow all I am going to want to do is spend my time with the man of my dreams. I just really hope the rest of our weekend with me great. No fussing or fighting. I know I am praying so hard for that to happen.
     Tonight Jess is staying at the house while I work so he will be there tomorrow when I get off at 7 in the morning. Which they all know here at work that when the person on first gets here and I give report I am out the door. You will never see me run for the door as fast as I will in the morning.
     Right now we have really good patients and we are just praying to keep these patients and not get anymore. But it is truly scary with it being a holiday weekend for a Neuro floor especially Neuro ICU cause we will get all the head trauma that rolls in this weekend.

     So I am super excited for my meal break night because mama cooked ribs and they look amazing. Jess said that they were the best he ever had, so that is a plus for him to say that. (Ok you can tell I have good patients because of all my talk) (lol). Anyways...
     Hopefully this week I will get to go hang out with one of my friends who I love dearly and cannot wait to tell her about what all is going on with me. I really haven't got to hang out with her at all the last few monthes with both of our schedules so hopefully everything will work out right.
     So this is really not good I am getting my needs to spend spend spend money and I really need to be saving it. I know that I need to just stay away from everything because if I don't I will have spent all my money...Which sucks!!! I know that it is crazy to think what it comes from but I am just freaking out. I know it is from all the stress of life and the things going on around me. But anyways...

     I am going to go try to find some work. Maybe I will try to post how the night goes a little later.
Love ya,
Kenz<3

The Night Is Almost Over

2010-07-03T06:10:00.000-04:00

I have about one more hour to go and I am just ready for 7 to get here so I can hit the door a running. I am just ready to be off. I have so many things to do today before I get back here at 7 tonight for one more night and then off for four days. (YAY!!!). So I have wrote out my to-do list for the day and hopefully I will get it done before work tonight.
     TO-DO for July 3
*GET A LITTLE BIT OF SLEEP
*Finishing taking the stuff down from my walls in my bedroom
*Finishing filling in the nail whole in the walls
MAYBE...*Go eat lunch with Jess
*Wash some clothes
*Start taping the trim in the bedroom

See so much to do and so little time before 7 tonight. I am just ready to be off and to get to spend some amazing time with Jess. It truly does seem like forever since we have had time together, just me and him. So you know I will be posting pics for yall don't worry about that. I can not wait.
     Plans for this week:
*Sunday: Pool day with the family
     (Cook out, Pool, and maybe go down to the lake with my family to watch fireworks.)
*Monday: LAKE DAY WITH JESS!!!!
*Tuesday: Paint Day...
     (Jess just doesn't know how he is going to work but he will help!!!)
*Wednesday: Finish Paint Day and Church Night
*Thursday: Work 3rd shift...
*Friday: (Morning): Sleep (Night): Spending Time with Jess
*Saturday-Sunday Morning: Nise's House
*Sunday Night: Church with my baby

I swear you got to love my life. Well I am going to go finish my work and get out of here and get to my to-do list. Talk to yall soon
Kenz<3

Night At Work...

2010-07-02T22:58:00.000-04:00

Well it is Friday night and for the first time in a month I am at work and not spending it with Jess. It truly doesn't feel like Friday because of that reason. But of course it is not a great night. People are just really on edge I guess and heads are butting. So I have pretty much kept my mouth shut all night and just went on just counting down the hours till 7am. I swear it couldn't get here fast enough.
The past few days have been a little crazy anyways. Wednesday night I went to church by myself which feels really weird to do. I miss having Jess there with me. I guess I will have to get us to it for a while. Then I come home and my mama's best friend and her daughter was here from Charleston. Then of course the love of my life came home from lunch around 2:15am and everything was perfect. Thursday morning, we woke up and spent the day laying around the pool. Which was a lot of fun. Jess of course had to go to work at 2 (of course like always) so Chan and I went and picked up my Aunt Mot and did some running around town. Spending way to much of her money but hey it was stuff we needed. After all of that we went home and I got dressed and Chan, Karlee, and I went and met Jess in Greenville at his work when he got off at 8 so we could go eat. Jess took us girls to Sticky Fingers downtown. Which was fun for us because that was the first place we had a really date. After that we went home to get in the bed since Jess had to get up this morning at 4:30 and go to work. Vickie and Karlee went back home this morning, and I took off to town to find out how much a boat battery was and find some paint for my room. Monday since Jess is off we are going to the lake but the boat needs a new battery first. So that will have to be bought tomorrow. I got some really pretty paint for my room. HOT PINK AND CHOCOLATE BROWN!!! So Tuesday of this week coming will be paint day for me and of course I will drag Jess into this at least until he has to go to work.
We also got our Destin vacation finally planned so we are headed there August 8-13 which is really exciting and I truly can not wait for that. I am just praying that Jess can get off to go with us. Eveyrone keep praying.
NISE'S CANCER REPORT:
Nise is doing really good. She is starting to lose her hair but she is doing great. She told mama that even though her hair is coming out she still has more hair than Ralph which makes me laugh. She goes next Friday July 9 for her second treatment so we are praying that everything goes well. I am hopefully going to go down there that Saturday morning and just stay the night down there so I can see her since I haven't. We are still needing prayers. We are so thankful for every single one of them. It means a lot, this is a hard thing to face but we have God on our side. But I will keep the updates coming though.

Well I am going to get back to work for a little while maybe I will post how the night is going later when I get another little break. Yall have a great night. LOVE YA

Kenz<3

Just Ready...

2010-07-01T00:51:00.000-04:00

I am just ready for that break. That time where everything falls into place and everything is right. I seem to need catch the break that everyone else is catching. I can't see why I have to lose at everything that I do. I just want to have the right thing for once in my life. I know without any question that Jess is the love of my life. I am just ready for everything to be right. No more tears that run down my face because of the hurt and the fear that I have.
I never knew I would be the afraid to be hurt like I am now. I swear if I could let it go things could be so much better I just know it would. I know that Jess would never hurt me the way I was hurt before but after almost two years of being hurt the way I was it is hard to put it behind you and trust that no one else could hurt you like you were hurt. I am ready to fell the happiness that I want and need more than anything in this world.
I love Jess and he is my everything. I am so thankful for everything I have with him. He is such a hard worker at everything he does and I am so proud to call him mine. I am just praying so hard that he will be strong the next few months while working these two jobs. It is getting hard for him I just fell it but hes is hard-headed and strong welled so I know he will make it. But I am just worried that I am not strong enough for this. I keep praying every day that things will work and be great. He is there for me and that is all I could ask for.

Well now that I got all that off my chest I can fill in on the good stuff that has happened. So last night I got to take Chan and her friend Anna to see Eclipse at Midnight. I will have to say that was my favorite and the best one yet. I loved it. We got there like 3 hours before it started and got some of the best seats in the theater. Chan and Anna had their iPods so we were pretty busy listening to music and making fun of people in the theater. I swear I love those girls. After the awesome movie, Jess meet us at Waffle House or as he says "The Affle Waffle". I swear put Jess, Chan, and Anna together and you have a laugh that will last for like a hour. Well just had so much fun. Then today we just had a relaxing day and ended up going to get some ice cream from Fruit Punch (so good). So now I am just waiting on my love to get off. I can't wait to see him :)

The girls and their iPods!!!

Waffle House after running in the rain

Kenz<3

How Can You...

2010-06-27T22:21:00.000-04:00

     How can you feel one way and act the other. If he only knew how I felt about him he would understand the hurt that I feel at times. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have never wanting anything more than that but why do I feel scared and on edge all the time. He is my best friend, my everything, my soul mate. I want to be with him till death do us part that kinda thing. I am truly afraid that I will lose him and everything I have ever dreamed of. I am so afraid that my best friend is going to walk out the door and never return.
     Jess,
     I know that some of the things I say and do makes you want to pull your hair and shake some sense into me. But baby you are truly my everything. I love you with all my heart and soul. I could never ask for anyone better. I am truly in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you as your wife. Being with you, caring for you, and standing beside you through everything life has in store for us. I am so thankful that I am blessed with you in my life. Nothing can never truly be anything more for me. I love you with everything I am.
     Ken

     I know that there will never be anything more for me. He is everything to me and I truly cannot wait to be his wife. Hopefully this will be the way I have always dreamed of.

Kenz<3

Amazing Week and More To Come

2010-06-26T23:14:00.000-04:00

Well this week has been amazing!!!
     Monday afternoon, Jess found out that he was going to be moving to second shift at his job during the week so that way he could sleep a little more plus spend some more time with me. :) So Tuesday he started that. That day we spent the day in Easley so he could cut his papa grass. I had a great time just talking to his granny and spending time over there with him before he went to work. Wednesday, I ended up going into work that morning for four hours. After that I came home and we had a pool day before Jess had to go to work. I had never had so much fun in the pool.
     Thursday was a day where we stay in our pj's and watched TV in bed all day. I loved it and I was so excited. Thursday night I worked third and came home Friday morning to find myself so nerves about Nise scan that I could not sleep.
   Which I will have to say that God is so Good to us right now. The scan came back showing that the cancer was only in the breast and lymph nodes and no other organs. PRAISE GOD. Thank yall so much for all the prayers said lately but we are still fighting and are still needing them greatly. She is doing well though and started her chemo and doing well with it.
     But hopefully things will be looking up soon. So after I got that news I finally relaxed a little and killed some time before going to my honey bunny house. We just hung around the house with his parents. So that brings us today. Which of course was work and then off to Liberty to spend some time with Jess. Tomorrow we both have to work tomorrow again.
     I am off this week till Friday night and cant wait to spend some much needed time with my love. Tuesday night at midnight I am taking Chan and Anna to see Eclipse YAY!!!!!! I truly cannot wait.
     I am off on the fourth and the next few days after the fourth. Jess and I are hopefully planning something for that Monday and maybe the fourth so we can spend some much needed time together. Everybody keep your fingers cross that it will all work out.
   Well I am going to head to bed. I got to get up early in the morning to get Jess up for work and get me up and ready for work in the morning. Hopefully I can post something really soon.

KENZ<3

Couldn't Be More Thankful

2010-06-15T01:00:00.001-04:00

Everybody keeps telling me I'm such a lucky man, Looking at you standing there I know I am.Barefooted beauty with eyes that blue, sunshine sure looks good on you, Iswear.Oh I can't believe I finally found ya baby,Happy ever after after all this time.Oh there's gonna be some ups and downs,But with you to wrap my arms around, I'm fine.

So baby hold on tight, and don't let go.Hold on to the love we're making,Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,When you got a good thing.

You know you keep on bringing out the best in me,And I need you now even more than the air I breathe.You can make me laugh when I wanna cry,This will last forever I just know. I know.

So baby hold on tight, and don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making,Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,When you got a good thing.

We got a good thing baby, woah.

So hold on tight, baby don't let go.Hold on to the love we're making,Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know,Oh you gotta know, oh you gotta know, you gotta know,When you got a good thing.

Ooooh ohh ohh.
We got a good thing, baby,

-Lady Antebellum
I truly could not be more thankful for the man in my life right now. Through all the tough things we have come our way, he is staying right there holding my hand. I am truly blessed to have that in my life. But I have to be honest about the fear holding up inside the walls of my gut. The past weekend I have just felt sick because of fear. Fear that has over came me so many time before. Fear that has broken all of me and I am afraid that it is happening again.
   This Friday Jess finally starts his second job, so now he will be working 7 days a week 10-12 hours a day. I have been in a relationship were the person works 7 days a week and I am afraid to have the same problems again. I know that I shouldn't but I do and I have cried and cried over this. I am afraid to tell Jess how and what I am going through so I haven't. I have kept quiet and let it built up inside of me. I just don't know how to explain that the feelings of scared and worry that I had a year ago is back and I am praying with everything I have in me that they go away and that I can take it. That our relationship with come out to a different way then the last. I am scared to lose him and I am praying so hard that it doesn't happen.
   But beside all the worry that I have going on everything is going good with us. He has made me feel like no one else has and I am so thankful that I have that. Tonight I was at his house and I was standing there with the fridge door open and he walk up and kissed me on my forehead and I truly thought the world stood still in that very moment. I never got that before and to feel it has no words. I love Jess with my whole heart.

   Well update on the Cancer side of our lives right now... My aunt starts her chemo on Friday and we are praying that everything goes well. I am praying that the tumor starts to go down in size in the next week treatments and not take so long. The faster it deceases the sooner the surgery and the sooner we will be on the road to cancer free. Just keep prayer I will keep you updated.

   Other than all this going on life is going good and I am hoping it all stays that way. I hope everything is going good. Oh if anyone has or knows of any place on the cheap but warm side where me and Jess could have a little vacation here shortly that would be great I am ready to get out of this town for a little while with my man so ideas would be great.
   Well I will post later. Oh I get my hair done Friday so I will post a new pic of that soon.
Kenz<3

Someday when I’m old I’ll be the only oneWho remembers you young and beautifulYour dark hair falling on that pillowcaseAll the secrets we shared, all thelove that we madeAnd I’ll hold onto those precious momentsLike pieces of gold Someday when I’m old

-Easton Corbin

Long Overdue Update

2010-06-12T17:11:00.000-04:00

I have been so busy the past few weeks I really haven't had time for updating, but I have seem to finally found some time to update this thing.

Summer is finally underway and it is have been full of nothing but work. But I guess that is ok. Last Friday though was a half and half day. That day I got off work and come home and went to bed. After getting some much needed sleep, I woke up to an amazing text message from Jess asking me out on a date. I mean really he really didn't have to ask me cause I will always say yes. So we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse and had just an amazing time together. Of course we had to go to the mall cause what else is there to do in Anderson. After just the few fun hours the night come tumbling down. My mama called us to come to my aunt's house so she could explain to us that my Aunt Nise has Stage 3-A Breast Cancer.

So now the next few months is going to be a fight. She went to the doctor this week and they are starting a very powerful form of chemo next Friday. They are hoping that the chemo will decease the size of the tumor so they can do surgery and get all the cancer. The chemo can go on anywhere from 12-18 weeks going once every 3 weeks. Our family is asking for prayers so everyone keep us in yours.

So now I am pretty much caught up on the blog. So hopefully something will go on the is a little more happier and exciting happen soon.

Kenz<3

All Night...

2010-06-01T06:14:00.000-04:00

So yes I have pulled one of my famous all-nighters. Instead of going to bed anytime tonight I just stayed up all night. I really do think it happens when I get to be beside Jesse all weekend and then not having him here kills me. I just get so use to know that if I need him he will be there and really cant do that if I am in Anderson and He is in Liberty.
But I have chosen that I am going to stop bring up the whole marriage thing. I am just tired of talking about it and feeling like it goes in one ear and out the other. Yea don't get me wrong I really wish it would all change and we would get married but who know.

Ok I am just running my mouth now. I am going to try to take a little nap before I have to get ready for the day

Ken<3

I know I know...

2010-06-01T01:23:00.000-04:00

Ok yes I know I have been a little behind on the blogging just had so much going on the past few weeks that I feel like my head is going to blow off. Between work and just life, plus the whole trying to get caught up on all the sleep I lose each week. It has been all just pushing down like crazy.

I seem to have still not found anytime for Jess and me to get some pics done. Just driving me crazy. I feel like all the pics I have are holiday and us just fooling around on dates and around the house. I don't think it will be done anytime in the next month because my June schedule with work is pretty much blocking time for that off. I mean it looks like this:
*Thursdays 7pm-7am
*Saturdays 7am-7pm
*Sundays 7am-7pm
This is every week till June 26. So...yea and Jess works during the week so that doesn't happen. But I will have to say he is going back to working Saturdays at his first job till he gets his call from this new job which the time for that is 7am-3:30pm on a good day most of the time 4pm. So I will get to spend Saturday nights with my baby.

Any that one... Then I had talked about us just taking a little weekend trip somewhere. Well you can see how that is and Jess can't miss work right. We are really trying to save up the money for Destin in August. Plus he has got to fix to parts in his truck before then. Gosh all this money money money. So the trip will just have to wait till later. Even though I think we need something that will help us to get along better some how.

I know every relationship has it time, I am just freaking out that I will push and push to far. I seem to always do that. Plus I think I am just nervous cause Sunday it will have been ONE YEAR that my life has seem to be put in a spin. I am glad things have been changing I just truly cannot believe that a year has passed me by. That the things I thought I would have for the rest of my life have truly changed into the things that I have now. I am just scared something like that will happen again to me and I will break. I am on edge and I know it is not helping anything.

This weekend seemed to be even though I was putting in the Ativan to chill out the nerves that were coming on full time. I don't know how to stop them sometimes and I know I really cannot talk to Jess about them. But I don't know who else there is for me. I just hope that everything just will calm down.

Well I hoped everyone had a good holiday weekend. Post Later
Kenz<3

Don't Even Have To Work

2010-05-18T04:39:00.000-04:00

Wow I can't even believe that tonight I don't even have to work but I am up anyway. I mean come on I don't have to go back on third for one more night so I could at least sleep tonight. Of course I can't that is always how it works, but seeing how I slept till 2 today and took almost a three hours nap Sunday I am working on a lot of caught up sleep.

Well the talking to Jess hasn't gotten any easier, and I am starting to walk on eggshells to make sure I don't do anything crazy. I mean really he is truly the love of my life and I want to be with him for the rest of it but I am scared I am going to do something that is going to push him out of my life. I did give him "me time" today so hopefully things will be ok. I feel like I didn't push to hard today and I hope and pray I did the right thing. But being away from him is killing me. I feel like there is a thousand pound weight sitting on my chest that gets heavier every second that I am away from him. Ok, yes I will admit that I have problems with being apart. It is apart of the problems that I am still fighting to deal with. I am sorry that I have to put this on Jess. I know people need a break sometime but it is really hard for me. I think today has been a really bad day when it comes to all the meds I take. I have taken more Ativan today then I have in a while since we have started dating. I know that it is because of all my problems that I have and I am still having trouble dealing with them at times. I just really hope that the problems that I have are not going to push Jess away. I want him to not have to worry about the problems that I have to deal with. I am just truly scared that the problems I deal with are going to break our relationship down to nothing.

I am truly more scared of losing him then getting any problems fixed right now. I have learned tools to help deal just right now it all seems to much. Past relationships, especially the recent one I just had things started happening about 6 to 7 months in and Jess and I are now at that mark and I am so scared history will repeat itself. I know that I shouldn't compare past relationships to mine and Jesse's but I am scared and I do. I really don't want things to be this way and I truly don't know what to do. I wish I had help with this. Some kind of help anything really.

But on another note, I don't know how this weekend coming up is going to go. I hope it is going to be a great weekend and everything will be great. After Wednesday I am off Thursday and Friday. Then I go back to work on third shift Saturday and Sunday. I am just really hoping that my time with Jess with go amazing. That we will get to enjoy each other without fights and fusses that have been going on the past few weeks. I am still truly scared that everyday together will be a fight but I have to look for the good, I am praying for the good.

So I have put on a goal that I have to lose some weight now. I was looking back at when me and Jesse started dating just 7 months ago and I was so skinny, yes I know and I might not have looked healthy. But right now I feel like I have gained five thousand pounds and I am not wanting to be this way. I am scared that Jess is not going to want me anymore. I don't want to get way to skinny cause Jesse says he wants a girl with meat on her bones. But come on now I am sure he doesn't want someone with this much meat on them. I want to look wonderful for Jess, I want him to be proud that I am the girl he is with.

Just the things that are said sometimes just make me think and it is scary that it could be true that I don't turn Jesse on. I am just wanting to be everything to him. Even the looks that he wants and longs after. I want to be his everything. So I am going to work my butt off to get that way.

So the Plan:

Plan for tomorrow is hopefully here in a bit I am going to get some workout clothes on and go for a jog before it gets way to hot out there. Then I am going to come get dressed and work on washing some clothes. (Which I need to do more than anything.) I have to be at Rachel's house at 10:30 to keep Ahna and Joseph for her while she takes Isabell to the dentist. Then tomorrow afternoon I have to pick Chan up from school and bring her home. I am going to see the love of my life after that, getting ready for work there and going to work third shift. Yep that would be the plan tomorrow, now how well I stick to it we will just have to see.

Hopefully things will go good tomorrow. Hope yall have a great day

<3Ken<3

I haven't post a song in a straight minute and I was sitting here listening to music as I wrote and this song just came on. This song means something to me not the words really but the song was one of the songs on the CD me and Jess listened to in his truck the first night we met. So this song with always have a special place in my heart.

Some Fools Never Learn

Steve Wariner

All my friends
Say I should leave you alone
You got a heart like a stone
And a wanderin' eye

And I know that they're right
I can make up my mind
Not to see you again
But you move through my dreams like the wind
It's no good to pretend
It won't happen again
Cause it'll happen again

Some fools never learn
Play with the fire
And you're gonna get burned
It's only love
When you're loved in return
Some fools never learn
Some fools never learn

And Baby I tried
But I'm just not that strong
Guess I knew all along
But that's not enough
I was falling in love

And you don't know it
But I came over tonight
There was somebody's car parked outside
Damn my eyes
Damn this heart of mine
I drove off into the night

Some fools never learn
Play with the fire
And you're gonna get burned
It's only love
When your loved in return
Some fools never learn
Some fools never learn

Somewhere in the city tonight
There's a girl and she's lonely like me
She'll be easy to see
And naturally
She'll have that look in her eye
She'll be feeling that way
I see it all plain as day
Oh I'll never be
What she wants me to be
Oh but lucky for me

Some fools never learn
Play with the fire
And you're gonna get burned
It's only love
When your loved in return
Some fools never learn
Some fools never learn
Some fools never learn

Then the next song that started playing was the song I played for Jess right before I kissed him for the first time. The memories just make me smile I swear.

Kiss A Girl

Keith Urban

To kiss and tell it's just not my style
But the night is young and it's been awhile
And she broke my heart, broke it right in two
And it took some time but I'm feeling like I'm
Finally ready to find, find somebody new

Chorus:
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna hold her tight
Maybe make a little magic in the moonlight
Don't wanna go too far just take it slow
But I shouldn't be lonely in this big 'ol world
I wanna kiss a girl

It's that moment when you start closin' in
First you're holding back then surrendering
It can start a fire, light up the sky
Such a simple thing, do you wanna try
Are you ready to
Say goodbye to all these rules

(Chorus)

'Cause maybe tonight
It could turn into the rest of our lives oh yeah
Are you ready
Are you ready
To cross that line put your lips on mine
Put your lips on mine baby
Do you wanna try
Are you ready to
Say goodbye to all these rules

I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna hold her tight maybe make a little magic baby
Don't wanna go to far just take it slow
But no one should be lonely, I shouldn't be lonely
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna hold her tight
Maybe make a little magic in the moonlight
Don't wanna go too far just take it slow
But I shouldn't be lonely in this big 'ol world
I wanna kiss a girl
I said I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna hold her tight
I wanna make a little magic out under the moonlight
Mmm, I wanna kiss her now

Working Third...

2010-05-15T03:57:00.000-04:00

Well People it is Saturday morning at 3:40 and I am busy working. My darling Jess is sleeping away at home and I am missing him so much right now. Every piece of me wishes I could be with him. I know that I can't and it is killing me. The good thing is I get three days off before I come back on third on Tuesday. I know working is a great thing cause I get paid but I really want to be with him. I know that me wanting to spend the time I have off with him is so crazy to him and gets on his nerves. He just doesn't understand what that time means to me. He is my life and I love him more than anything and He is what I want. I never knew that I would want to be with someone so much. Jess is my everything, and my heart; He means the world to me and being with him is so important to me.
I truly do not understand how to get him to see that I am not trying to be childish or over-bearing but that I just want him to want to be with me and much as I want him. I never knew that I would have the trouble of feeling put out by him. I feel like everytime I try to get close Jesse is pushing me away. I feel like I can't breath without him around. Like the life has been sucked out of me and taken away forever.
Ok, yes I know this all sounds so stupid but it is truly the way I feel. Jess tries so hard not to talk about this stuff with me so who do I have to understand what I am going through. I can't make him want to be with me and I know that but I want to make him see that I love spending time with him and being next to him. I want things to be right, I want them to be the way that I want them to be. I want Jesse to want to long to be with me like I long to be with him.
I want to be able to take in the moments with him and know that he is taking in every moment just the same. I want to know that when we are away from each other He is needing me just the same way. But truly, how do I do this without pushing him, without seeming like I am so in need of everything. I know that this is truly childish but I don't know whatever way to say how I am feeling about all of the things.
I want to tell him so much and know that he is listening and taking it all in, and not pushing it in one ear and out the other. I figured I could just write down everything and just hope that he understands it and listening to the words that are writen in front of him. I just truly and lost and don't know what to do.

Well since I took the time to write all this out and spent about ten minutes of my night writing down some of the stuff I am fighting with I guess I will run and try to get some work done before 7 gets here and I finally get to get out of here and spend some time with Jess. Just hoping that the time is time that we enjoy to the best way and no fighting at each other just happiness to a great time.
I love him and hopefully things with go good the next few days. I will keep you updated
Have a great Saturday. Hope everyone is enjoying their rest and hope they have a great weekend
Ken<3

Got to learn to sleep...

2010-05-12T01:14:00.000-04:00

I have truly got to learn how to sleep without taking meds every night. I just cannot get my body to get still enough to fall asleep so I end up on the internet looking around and sometimes spending money on clothes and crap I do not really need.

Tonight me and Jess almost had the Jeep started and I really hope we can get it there soon. He is about to have a cow to get it running so he can get it to Anderson so he can start working on it. But he is being like every man and wants everything to be running and working in a day. Such a man I swear.

Well tomorrow is my last day off for two days. I go back on third on Thursday. I am kinda excited about cause then I will not have to sleep at night lol. But tomorrow I have a goal set of cleaning up this nasty room and my nasty car. I really don't have anything else to do until time to get Chandler from school and go to Liberty so I think I can work on getting all that done. Since I got caught up on the scrapbook and I left my book at Jess's tonight.

But If I am going to try to get that done I need to try to get some sleep. Have a great day tomorrow...

Ken<3

Summer Starting...

2010-05-10T12:15:00.000-04:00

Well the month of May has been going great so far. The first weekend of the month we had my birthday get together with my family and Jesse's family. We had a great time just talking and hanging out. My sweet love gave me my sewing machine, which we both love. Chan had a motive to giving me some new brown flip flops so I would give her's back. Then mama and daddy gave me a pair of Grey's Anatomy scrubs and I love them I just wish I could wear them everyday to work lol.

Speaking of work, things have been going great. I am getting tons of hours and I love what I do. I could never ask for a better job.
This weekend was a good weekend of just hanging around town. My parents went out of town to North Carolina and I spent the weekend just being with Jess. Friday I was off work, but slept most the day because I worked third shift on Thursday. Then Saturday I got up in went in to work but ended up coming home like a few minutes after being there. So Jesse and I just sat around the house till that afternoon. Jesse spent the morning playing on the Xbox while I slept on the couch. Afternoon time we finally got dressed and headed out to run around town. We went to KFC to eat for lunch, which is not my favorite place but it was ok. Jesse and I seem to have spent five hundred hours in Wal-Mart, well not really but it was about 2-3 hours though for real. We ended buying Pictionary Man and Battle of the Sexes. Jesse talked my parents to playing with us that night. I swear watching Jesse and my Daddy on a team and trying to draw pictures it was so funny. After our long trip to Wal-Mart, we went to the Dollar Tree, Ross and then back to the house.
Then yesterday was Mother's Day, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MAMA, JOY, AND ALL THE OTHER MAMA'S OUT THERE. Of course I ended up working second shift so I really didn't have a big Mother's Day with my mommy, but I got to see her a little bit and spend time with her on Saturday night.
I am off for the next three days and then I go back on third shift for Thursday and Friday. So I get to spend my days off with my honey bear after he gets off work.
Oh yea I know I have been fussing about computer charger and my phone charger. Well since Jess got a new phone I got his old changer (CHECK THAT OFF) and the Chris brought me the charger to his old HP that Jess brought the screen off of back in February. So I now have a computer charger that works YAY!!! So now I am pretty good on technology.
I am really want to plan a little getaway for Jess and me. I want to go to some where like the beach for like two days since during the week it is really cheap for the next few weeks. I just got to get Jess on board with it. Then I was thinking about going to Atlanta to go to the Aquarium and go hang out around downtown Atlanta. I don't know just trying to do something fun and kinda cheap. Any ideas let me know.
So Jesse has decided to redo his CJ-7 Jeep. I am really proud that he is so excited about working on it. He is wanting Daddy to help him, so it will be like a little bonding time for them. He has been looking online at parts and stuff. Ordering free catalogs so he can pick out the stuff he wants to order. He is not going to start pay on it again and redoing till later this fall when he gets his truck finally paid off. But the sweet thing was he asked me before he choose to do all this because he wants me to know about it because it will cost a pretty little penny, like ten thousand dollars or more. Yea I about passed out as well. But I told him, if this is what he wanted, he was going to do it right and not just quick on it half way through or when he gets tired of working on it. So yea it will cost to do it right. But I am really excited for him and happy plus proud of him.
So my little project is my scrapbook of mine and Jess. I am almost caught up with everything. But I do want us to go out to Clemson and take some summer pics before it gets way to hot. So I can have some really good pictures of us. You know I will post some of them up when that does happen lol.
But other that all this going on everything is great.
Have a great day guys
Ken <3

Thanks for the little things...

2010-04-26T07:09:00.000-04:00

Maybe it is true that things can turn around in a blink of an eye. Maybe there is more hope that there ever could be right now. Between Jesse and getting back a best friend (who by the way I am so sorry that I ever lose you in the first place) my life could be looking up really well. Just the little things that God has been giving me lately has been amazing. I am truly thankful to God for blessing me.

Yesterday even though I was so tired from working two 12 hour shifts two days in a row, plus try to have time with Jesse and church on Sunday. Jesse took care of me and put up with my ill attitude sometime. Wish to me is amazing.

Like I have wrote just a few days ago Jess has been talking more and more about marriage and spending our life together. I have never been more ready to spend the rest of my life with someone. He is my best friend, my partner, my everything. We are making choices together working together to have a better life together. Now when we make choices about money, jobs, other things we are in it together.

Well I finally had to let my sweet baby kitten go. I love her and wish she was here right now but I know I could not keep her any longer. My sweet little Roxie I love you!!!

Well I am taking Chan to school this morning so I guess I need to get out of my pj's and get ready. I will hopefully post something soon...

Love Yall Have a Great Day

Ken <3

The Day After

2010-04-25T02:30:00.000-04:00

Well it is the day after my 20th birthday and let me tell you the only good part was this morning with Jesse and how wonderful he made me feel. I feel like I was the only girl in the world. I truly finally felt like a princess. But suck part was I work 7pm to 7 am Friday night and ON MY BIRTHDAY. Which is where I am at right now sitting here eating some dinner and working. Tonight and last night I was the only CNA on the floor and I am running wide open. I truly think that 7 south has become 8 south. But tomorrow I get off and then it is back to work on Monday working first shift. I am super excited that I am getting some more hours at work which I need so that way Jesse and I can be better in the money department. I am so excited and praying like every minute because Jess finally got a call from St. Jude where his mama works for a interview. He goes Tuesday at 11:45 so everyone say alittle pray for that. He was talking today especially that if he gets the job he will be making more money and have his truck paid off and then I will get a ring shortly after that. OH MY GOD yes he said that. I truly cannot wait. He was talking about how he can't wait for me to be his wife and us to have our house together, pretty much other lives together. I truly believe things are turning around.
Jesse found some old writing, thoughts about the old time and how depressed and crushed I was. But he told me he was not worried about it because he was the one who would have me for the rest of my life and be all that I need. See things are truly looking up and getting so much better. I am truly glad. I love him so much and cannot wait to be Mrs. Jesse Matthew Hester.
Well it is time to get back to work (FUN FUN) but hopefully I can do some more writing soon.
Kenz <3

Really Now

2010-04-17T17:25:00.000-04:00

Why can't things always be like in the fairy tales. I mean do people really have to hurt all the time. Things just seem to be good from the outside or you try and tell yourself that over and over again. When you love something so much you want everything to be perfect. You want it to be that love that you have always dreamed of. Everyday with Jesse lately has become a guessing game on how things are going to be that day. I keep praying everyday that the guessing with stop that maybe we can get back to the love that was perfect and happy. To stop the fighting and fussing, the you are getting on my nerves stuff. He is the most amazing thing that has ever walked into my life. He is my best friend and I love him more than life itself. I am just praying that some good with really end up happening SOON. I don't know how to trust I know that and I need the support in knowing that I can trust him that he will never leave me never do anything wrong. I know we have been together almost 6 months now, but come on look at my past relationships this is when it falls fishy when everything starts to fall apart and what is there for me to do. I am scared of losing the one person that I love and care about. I am scared of becoming the person that I have been so many times before and I truly don't want anything like that to happen to me.
I miss Jesse more than anything in the world when he is not with me, but sometimes I really wish it was better when he was with me I know that sounds so bad but it is true. I see all the fairy tales and other people's relationship and I want that. I want Jesse to want me, to tell me I look good, buy me flowers all the things boyfriend should do. Sometimes I truly think I get treated worst then the dog does. I want to be the one of gets loved on when he comes home. I truly know this sounds bad too but He walks pass me and tells his mama hi with a hug and a kiss and I love you and I don't get anything. COME ON NOW!!!!

Springtime Love

2010-04-08T23:57:00.000-04:00

If I could have dreamed thing up like they are right now I would have never in a million years. The past few days the weather has been amazing and I have really gotten to get back into wearing my spring and summer clothes. I just really need to get some of the weight that I have seem to find off. Everyone is just scared I am going to try to do that the wrong way again by taking my pump off and not taking care of my diabetes.

You know that is what got me left alone and completely broken down just short of a year ago. Where I lost everything that I thought I needed at the time. But know I truly know that if I do act stupid and do something stupid like that I will lose the best thing ever and the only thing that has truly made everything ok the past few months. I am just really worried.

This weekend hopefully with be a great weekend to just have some fun around town and spend time with the love of my life. I have to go print off some pics from Easter Sunday, and maybe I can talk Jess into going and taking pics with me at Clemson either this weekend or next weekend. So then I can fill up my big frame that I have with pics of us. I have tons of pics already but I still want more lol.

I am definitely going to need a new computer charger before long. Mine is not wanting to stay in so the computer is not wanting to charge right....GRRR it is so hard to work like that. Plus I have to have a new phone charger because I broke mine awhile back and I have been charging it off the computer but since the computer is screwing up I really needed something new so I brought a cheap one off EBay and then the other day it broke. SO I have got to have all that but if anyone knows where to get a computer charger for a HP laptop then let me know....

Well I am going to watch some more Grey's Anatomy and then head off to bed

Ken<3

My sexy man driving to my mama's after church on Easter Sunday

Us on Easter Sunday!!!

WOW over a month

2010-04-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

OK yes I have fell behind on the blogging. Just my life has been in fast forward lately. Between my new job at the hospital and trying to keep up with the school work plus find the time to spend with Jesse has been so stressful. But right now it is working some what ok. Just trying to put my life to is hard cause I have so much right now especially with school. I just look at it this way just one more month left. But the sad thing is because of money I am going to have to push back when I am finishing. Which sucks!!! Hopefully thing with just move fast.

Oh my God my new job is amazing. I love it. The job is at AnMed on the seventh floor in the Neuro ICU. I cannot begin to say how much I love my job. Even though there are days when I don't get to see Jesse, I am just thankful to have this job so hopefully we can become a family soon.

School is pretty much kicking my butt. But the good thing is that I have time to do some studying and homework at work and that is the best thing ever. Ok yes my grades are no longers A's but they are still ok. I just wish and hope everything turns out A.Ok.

Jesse and I have been falling more and more in love over the past few weeks. Our life together has been growing strong. Yes, we have our days that we have to pray that we get through but I swear everything works itself out. We have both been talking more and more about getting married and I really hope that it is going to happen sooner that later. We are pushing more and more to make sure our love stays strong. I just pray everyday that our lives together with be strong and work through thick and thin. Jesse has been there for me during this time of getting a custom to everything that is going on in my life (in our lives) and I am truly greatful for all of that.

Life is fall right so far. I am truly just waiting on some to mess up. Because when I think everything is going good something falls to peices.

Well this week is a pretty relaxing week because of my work schedule. I work my first shifts on 3rd and I fell in love with it. That was on Sunday night and Monday night. Then I got to be off yesterday and today plus tomorrow and Friday. Then back to work on Saturday morning and Sunday morning. It worked out amazingly because I get to spend time with Jess everyday.

Well I am going to close this long catch up blog. Hopefully I will have time to do some blogging soon than a month again.

Kenz<3

Wow The Weeks

2010-03-05T01:32:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have been so busy for Jesse's birthday, school, and to me getting my new JOB YAY!!!! I got the hospital at Anderson Hospital as a Nero Intensive Care Unit Nursing Assistant. I start on Monday YAY!!!! But yea, so where do I start with all the fun that has been going on. Well the week after Valentine's was pretty much a laid back week. Jesse and I spent the time getting ready for the weekend and getting everything together for his birthday dinner with his family and mine. The first time his parents met mine. I was very nervous and could hardly wait. I know that this was the start of great things to come. The dinner when really well better than I had imagined it to be. I ended up making Jesse a cake. Which to me was the ugliest cake I have ever made. It was a Gamecock cake but He liked it that was all that mattered to me.

After that Saturday night we got ready for his real Birthday which was the 28. I really didn't plan anything special and now I kinda wish I had but we just had a relaxing weekend at home full of movies and cuddle time. Wish was the best thing I could ever dreamed of. But we did go out on his birthday with Terry, Krystal, Chris, and Tiffany for Krystal and Jesse's birthday. Jess and Me got into a whip cream fight and he ended up with whip cream up his nose. That is what he gets for messing with me. LOL!!!

Then we have done the same thing the past few nights which was sit at home and play on the xbox or computer. Nothing to exciting.

Then night was a little change. I had to go to school to take a test (which I hope I did good on so I can keep up my A's) but then after the test I went to his house. We got a pizza and put the bed and dress plus his gun cabent and night stand around in his room. I got a lot of the dusting down for him while he was pushing the big stuff around his room. Even though it was work, I loved just getting to spend time with the love of my life. I just truly can't believe that all this is happening to me, that I have fallen in love with the best man who has ever walked into my life.

Ok yes we may have happend our fusses and fights the past weeks but what couple doesn't but at the end of the day, I know that I in love with the man of my dreams. I have the person I am to spend the rest of my life with and I am so thankful for everything.

<3Ken

Miss My Friend

2010-02-15T23:26:00.000-05:00

This is truly the first night all year that Jesse is at his house and nothing here with me. Yes I have slept without him a lot in the past three weeks, but now he is here close to me but not here with me. I never knew that I would miss him this much. I thought I could be a strong person. But with all that has happened to me I am still scared. I am so thankful to finally have that person to put their arms around me and to know that they are there for me.
I am just praying that I make it through the night and day tomorrow without him and tonight I will get to see him again.
I know this sound all a little childish but it is truly how I feel.

Monday Morning Rush

2010-02-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

I am so amazed by my loving boyfriend. He puts on a smile on my face when I need it the most. Takes away all my worries and never lets me down. I truly could never ask for anything more that just to be with him.
This weekend was great. Friday we went and got Jesse's truck. And for once it finally snowed. YAY!!! Since we had the truck, we went and had some fun with it. It was amazing fun. Saturday we rode around in the truck that morning and went to Sam's. Of course we come home and I cleaned the upstairs and washed some clothes while Jess cleaned out his truck and Daddy and him put his toolbox in the bed of his truck that he got on Friday night. Then we went back to Liberty and just hang out around there. I have never been so happy in my whole life!!! Sunday we went to church and I went to see WICKED (AMAZING). Last night was a great night we just cuddled up and watch TV. I could not ask for more than just to be with him. I am so ready to be with him for the rest of my life.
Well I won't get to see him again till tomorrow night cause we both have so much to do. But hopefully I will be ok.

xoxo
Ken

Count down to the Love weekend!!!

2010-02-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

This weekend is going to be amazing weekend. IT IS VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND!!! Tonight kicks it off when Jesse gets off. We still have no clue what we are doing because we really don't know if he has to work tomorrow or not. (I really hope not). But he should get his truck back today YAY!!! That makes me excited. I miss riding in his sexy beast of a truck lol. Plus they are calling for snow too. Which hopefully for once we will get some. If we do one thing we are going to do is go play in the truck. I love him SO MUCH.

I got the sweetest text from him just saying I love you. That is all I need to hear.

I have so much school work this weekend for reading and short Journal writing for English to studying for my Biology test on Tuesday. But school is going really good and I cannot be more happier about it. I average my grade for both classes and I have a 91 in English in a 93 in Biology. I cannot believe that I have A's in all my classes really is this really me. But now that I see that I can do this I am kicking myself for not doing this a year ago.

I am back in Greenville for the day again today, while Jess is at work today. Which gives me time to work on school work and get most of it done. I am just ready to show everyone that I can do this about school. So since I am in Greenville I am back at Panera in my usually sit by the warm fireplace. Enjoying some good coffee which I haven't had in a while. Now it would be perfect if Jess could be here to hang out with me instead of being at work.

Oh my gosh I almost forgot Sunday, I get to go see WICKED!!!! How freaking exciting!!! I cannot wait. (Even though I have seen it before in Atlanta but I am super excited to get to see it again.)

Well I am going to work on some of my mountain of homework so I can enjoy my wonderful weekend.

Ken <3

Tears, Fights, and Happiness

2010-02-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

I never knew that fighting could help a relationship. You know I hate fighting with Jesse, I really never want to do it. But last night after we fought and got all the feelings we were feeling out there it was like a weight was pulled off of us. We got to be a couple that loves each other again. He is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. After our talk last night I know that I won't lose him because I know that he is the one for me. I love him with all my heart. I want things to be perfect but I know nothing is perfect. But the way that we love each other things can be great. God is writing the perfect story for us and that is what we have to keep going for.

So today has been really good been us. I got up this morning and brought him to work (hopefully his truck will be done this afternoon or tomorrow). Then we went and had a wonderful lunch just me and him. I loved it. It was truly like when we started dating. Tonight I have class so we are having the day in Greenville. When he gets off we will do something until class time, then he will either get to go get his truck while I am in class or he will just hang out till time for me to get out. I know he really wants his truck to be done. But I kind of don't because I get to spend that time with him.

He is truly my best friend, my everything. I went ahead and gave him his Valentine's Day gift cause I already had mine. I ended up getting him a black South Carolina hat. MY LORD I CANNOT BELIEVE I BROUGHT SOMETHING SOUTH CAROLINA. But he really likes it and that is all that matters. Now I just got to come up with something to get him for his birthday in two weeks. ANY IDEAS LET ME KNOW!!!

Hopefully this weekend we can have us a little date night for Valentine's Day nothing big though. I just want the weekend to be great since this is our first Valentine's Day together, even though we have a lifetime more together. I really can't wait for that. Well I am going to finish up some homework cause Jess will be off in a hour and I have to go pick him up. So I will post something later

Kenz<

Still Monday and Still Slow....

2010-02-08T13:39:00.000-05:00

Well I am still in Greenville waiting on Jesse (which he is not going out of town today). I went and he lunch with him and Kevin (a guy he works with) to Taco Bell but I ended up having pizza from there.

Oh the hair thing that I had talked about the other week. Yea I still haven't got it fixed and now my hair is turning ORANGE!!!! This is so no good. So night it is damage control on the hair. We have got to do something cause this hair is not working for me at all. I have found out that I just really wish it could be the color I want it to be finally and be done with it. Plus I am just ready for it to be long again. I mean yes it has grown a ton in the past few months. But it has to be the right length and the right color before anything really happens about the getting married. (WHICH I AM HOPING IS NOT FAR AWAY).

I found the most beautiful song ever. I was listening to the radio on-line after I updated and I hear this song. It is by Lee Brice (of course he is awesome he is from South Carolina) the song is called Love Like Crazy. I am going to do what it talks about so Jesse and I can be together 58 years!!!

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They've been together fifty-eight years now

Aint that crazy?

I totally love this song and everyone needs to check it out!!!

Ken<3

Tired Monday Morning

2010-02-08T09:03:00.000-05:00

Monday morning is not the best thing in the world when Jesse maybe having to go back out of town. I am just sitting over here in Greenville at Panera trying to study some for my test tomorrow but I really can't focus. Today I can just tell that it is Monday and I got up way to early. Yea 5 this morning came to soon. But I got to spend the ride over to Greenville with my Honey Bear. I just need to get use to this until his truck gets fixed. We finally went and took it to get fixed yesterday but I am going to have to take him to work and pick him up. Which means the people at Panera will be seeing a lot of me for the next week. This weekend was another great weekend for Jess and me.
Friday when he got back we had Chan with us, so instead of going to the basketball game, we to a little shopping trip kind of. We went to Commerce, Ga to the boot outlet over there. They had an amazing sale on boots and I was excited cause Jess wanted to find me a pair of new ones that where work boots. Of course my foot is so tiny the men's boots where way to big and they really didn't have any women's boots that we liked. But Jesse found the cutest pair of boots that were a Youth size. They fit my feet so good and they are so cute. The are John Deere boots, that are brown and pink CUTE!!!! Jesse got him a new pair too. Well see to begin with on our way there one of our windshield wipers flew off going down 85. It was so funny but it scared the crap out of me. Then on our way home. We got off 85 to get us something to eat and look for a tattoo place. Some how we ended up in the backwoods of Georgia and finally found a Taco Bell aka Taco Hell. When we got back on the interstate we some how got back on the interstate going south instead of north and by the time we noticed we where back in Commerce. So needless to say we went to Commerce twice Friday night.
Saturday was a pretty relaxing day. We spent the day in Liberty just hanging out at the house. We went to eat at Joe's in Easley, Wal-mart, and just ran around town. Ended up eating dinner with his family and then headed back to Anderson for the night.
Yesterday really wasn't a big day or anything. We went to church and went to eat with everybody. The food sucked and it was so nasty. We took Jesse's truck to get fixed and it will hopefully be done on Friday. We really didn't do anything for the Super Bowl. But I was glad the Saints bet the Colts. I really don't like the Colts so everything is good.

So this weekend was just a relaxing weekend. This is bad it is only Monday and I am already thinking about next weekend cause it is the BIG VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND. I still have no clue what I am getting Jesse for Valentine's Day or his birthday which is in two weeks from this Saturday. Any ideas let me know. REMEMBER LOW ON CASH!!!!! I have already got my Valentine's Day present which was my new computer screen ( THANK YOU BABY FOR THAT...and thanks Chris for fixing it for us) and my new pair of boots that I got Friday night YAY. Now I just really got to come up something for Jess but of course he knows I have no money.

But I guess I am going to try to go back to studying for the big test tomorrow. Hopefully I will post something maybe later and let yall know if Jess is out of town and I am all by myself AGAIN this week or not.
Ken<3

PS. I have a job interview with AnMed Health tomorrow keep all fingers crossed really want this job.

He is my Knight in Shining Whatever I love hm so much and can't wait to put my arms around him!!!!!

Just Some Late Details

2010-02-04T01:42:00.000-05:00

Yes I know I have posted something already tonight but I am just laying here in the dark wishing it was Friday night so I would at least have Jesse laying beside me. Roxie is being sweet for once in her life and I just sitting in my lap rubbing her head all over my arm as I type. The week has been pretty slow since Jesse has been gone since Monday.
Monday, I went and took Jesse to work. Then went to the doctor about my tooth to see if I would need a root canal. Chan's basketball game was that night so I went to see her cheer one last time as a Lakeside Middle School Cheerleader. Tuesday was just a day of running around town in the rain putting in job applications, Which if you know of any place that I could get at least a good paying part-time job let me know I really need one soon. After playing in the rain all day I had school. We got our first test that I was very nervous about but I ended up making an 81 which is a B. I was so excited I did my little happy dance right there in the classroom. Now we are caught up to today. It was the everyday Wednesday, sleep till about 10:00 and then off to school and then home for a little while, after all that off to church. Church was really good and I have found like my new little sister. I love her to death and we had a great talk tonight. I just really got to keep praying for her.
So tomorrow will hopefully be just a prettied laid back day. I will hopefully get stuff cleaned up around the upstairs and in my room. I really need to do all this tomorrow so I can focus on school and my weekend. If I have all this done tomorrow I will have the house ready for Jess to come home. YAY!!! But after doing all that tomorrow I have school tomorrow night and I is the last class before our first lab test. So yet again I have to be nervous all weekend and into the week until next Thursday when I get it back.
Friday is the big day. Jesse comes home and I so can't wait. I have missed him the last week and I am just ready to hold him in my arms again and never let go. I really don't know what our plans are for this weekend. I want to at least talk Jess into going to the Westside vs. Easley basketball game Friday night but after that I have no clue. Saturday there is really no plans what so ever. But I really want to make this weekend special for us, so if any ideas let me know. Sunday of course will be church. Then hopefully we will be back to regular schedule of things, Jesse back to work and me back to my normal week of school and house work.
I can't believe that we are so madly in love I really didn't think something like this really could happen, especially after what I started going through about a year ago. I really never thought I could be so happy. I just pray everyday that this thing between me and Jesse will just keep on getting better and better. I have feel in love with the best man I have ever met.
Dear John the movie comes out this weekend and I hope that I can get to go see it. It was an amazing book so I just hope that it will be an amazing movie. Jesse and my daddy have been watching movies together lately and they all pretty much suck. Not that has really caught my eye on being a good movie.
Oh and this week I have dyed my hair lighter color. I really want to get to a blondish brown color, but it really didn't work this time. But everyone who has seen it seems to like it. But who know I just really hope I can fix it soon and my hair doesn't fall out cause of it. That would be the worst thing ever. I was just tired of the dark color, the dark had a lot of old memories that I just had to let go. Which I am so glad I did.
But they are also memories that I will never forget any second of them. But now I am on to making new memories with the love of my life. He has shown me how to grow and how to be the person I have always been deep down inside. I am just ready to be his wife. If he can only hurry up and ask me already!!!
Well it is close to 2 in the morning and I have Grey's Anatomy going on the TV, and my PJs on and just ready to get some sleep so I can talk to my sweetheart in the morning when he gets up. I just hope to get to sleep real soon. But hopefully I will have time to post something tomorrow.

<3 Kenz

PS. Hopefully something great will happen when Jesse gets back home but not going to get my hopes up.

Life is really good

2010-02-03T23:45:00.000-05:00

It is Wednesday Night and church was amazing tonight. Just would have been even better if Jesse was back. He still wont be back till Friday afternoon. Just two more days but these two more days is killing me. He is my everything, my best friend, my soul mate and he is not here. I am so ready to be Mrs. Jesse Matthew Hester. But no of course he has not asked me yet. I just wish he would hurry up. Just to hear him say them words "Will You Marry" is the three words I want to hear so back. I love Jesse and everything is so great between us just having to wait to hear those words. I am so ready for him to be home. But anyways I have to go back to working on my homework post later.

Ken

Friday Afternoon and Waitin For My Baby

2010-01-29T13:47:00.000-05:00

Well guys I have made it through the second week without Jess. But the good news is he is coming back into town today...well better yet he is back now I just have to wait for him to get done at work so I can pick him up. I am super excited that I finally get to hold and kiss him. I am just now wishing it could be more than just this weekend that he is staying here with me. I wish he was going to be here everyday. No wait I wish we were married in our own house and I am really excited that I know I will be marrying him soon but I just don't really know when that will happen. I love him so much just ready for it. Hopefully tonight we are going to Adam and Heather's and they will get to meet Jess for the first time hoping everything goes well keeping my fingers crossed. But anyways I am going to go get ready to go get my baby I will post something soon about how this weekend goes...

Ken

How do you say what you say but yet seem like you dont mean it

2010-01-21T15:15:00.000-05:00

Really how can people say what they say but yet seem like they mean none of it. I would walk right now in the rain to marry you. Get married in my jeans and t-shirt. As long as I could be your wife. You are my everything and I want to be your wife more than anything in this world. But yet you say you want me and you want to marry me, You cant wait to marry me. THEN why are you making me wait. Yea, having money would be nice, having my dream car would be nice too. But who cares, who cares about all that stuff when all I really want and care for is you and to be your wife. I want to be able to wake up to you every morning and lay down beside you every night. I want to be able to care for you and take care of you. And yes money would be nice but I could care less. I would live in a cardboard box on the side of the road just to be able to hold you every night. You have giving everything I have ever dreamed of. I don't want everything but you. I don't to have to wait on everything to be perfect because as you have said nothing will ever be perfect. I am just ready to be your wife. I love you more than anything in world and I want to be your wife NOW... I love you so much

Day in Sunny Greenville

2010-01-18T15:20:00.000-05:00

Well today as just been a relaxing day even though it is a sad day at that. I got to bring the love of my life to work this morning before he is to leave for Georgia either today or tomorrow. So since he doesn't know which one I have been hanging out in Greenville. Well change that I just got the word that Jess is leaving today. God, I miss him already and he hasn't even left town yet. I cannot wait to become his wife. Everyone keeps asking if we are engaged, trust me everyone would know if that happened. But yes we are going to getting engaged and get married. When I just don't know that is Jesse call. Hopefully he will make that call soon and we can begin to plan our lives together for real. I am totally and absolutely in love with him. He is everything I could dream of and much more.

Well since he is leaving today I am headed back to good ole Anderson for the night

Kenz <3

Life Is Changing

2010-01-15T09:14:00.000-05:00

Life is changing in so many different ways. I have really become the happiness I have ever been. I have met the love of my life, started going back to Greenville Tech, and gotten back into church. God is really blessing me. Last night I was laying in bed next to Jesse, and it was like a light came on. My eyes were opened to God's amazing glory showing me what He has given me. From the storm I went through to the bright light that he has placed in front of me.

Everything that is happening in my life has been through the grace of God. I am also starting to change my life as far as the way I look at myself. For me to be able to love and care for Jesse the way God wants a wife to, I have to love myself first. So I am stepping out on faith right now by saying that I have been going through the whole struggle of weight. Nothing as far as making myself throw up but I have done the whole run your blood sugar sky high so you will lose weight to the not eating at all. So today I am going to talk to someone about getting sit up on a plan to where I can eat and keep my blood sugar in line and then get to lose weight or just be health. I never thought that was possible but maybe it is.

Well things have been for sure Jesse is the one. Just back a few months ago I thought there was no one else that my life had ended. But thanks to God and a person I found the love of my life. I never thought there could be one like him. Jesse is a true special man of God and the people that I need in my life. He has willing taken the responsibly of my diabetes as a loved one. No other man that has ever walked into my life has done that. He wants to take care of me, to be with me for who I am. He is more than I have ever dreamed or asked for. He has become my best friend my partner in life. He is there for me standing behind me 110 percent and I thank him for that. Everyday I am more and more blessed to have him in my life.

This morning I took Jess to work. In the car we were singing and laugh at 6 in the morning. It was the best time in the world. As he was singing to me this morning I could not help but think was how lucky I was to have him. Sorry ladies as they say in on of the best show "Sookie is Mine" well "Jesse is Mine" (I am so ready for the new season to start)

Kenz <3

I like blue eyes, hers are green Not like the woman of my dreams And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned Five foot three isn't tall She's not the girl I pictured at all In those paint by number fantasies I've had

So it took me by complete surprise When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes She's not at all what I was looking for She's more

No, it wasn't at first sight But the moment I looked twice I saw the woman I was born to love Her laughter fills my soul And when I hold her I don't wanna let go When it comes to her I can't get enough

So it took me by complete surprise When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes She's not at all what I was looking for She's moreMore than I dreamed ofMore than any man deservesI couldn't ask for moreThan a love like hersSo it took me by complete surpriseWhen my heart got lost in those deep green eyesShe's not at all what I was looking forShe's more

Everything look so Good

2009-12-19T03:00:00.000-05:00

Even though I can't sleep tonight it is not from unhappy feelings. I just miss him. I want to be able to lay down beside him every night and not have to wake up until the morning. I want to be able to steal the covers from someone again and I want that someone to be him. I am so happy and my life is looking so good. I am just so scared that I am going to do or say something to mess all this amazing things that is going on up. I know that I should not worry but I do. I don't want to lose this amazing thing that I have with Jesse and I want everything to be good.

A Lifetime of Happy That I Finally Found

2009-12-17T23:34:00.000-05:00

I always thought that I would never be better. That my heart would never be able to feel the feelings that I want to feel. I never thought I that would get to be happy again or for once. I have finally opened my eyes to something that is new and amazing that has never felt so real. I finally found someone that LOVES me. That wants what is best for me. Jesse Matthew Hester is my everything. He has truly became the person that I thought never would be in my life. After all the things that has happened in the past year I never thought that life would be this good for me. Jesse has brighten the future that is laying in front of me. The future that God has already written. The past month has been the best month I have ever seen. God has blessed my life so much that it blows me away. For once I don't look at life as a trouble that I have to walk alone in this life. I have learned that He is there every step of the way even when it does not look that way.

God is in the middle of writing the most beautiful love story for the ages. The kind that only God can make happen. He has put his hand in the center of Jesse and my relationship. I pray everyday that I can be the woman of God that is to be in Jesse's life. That I can be the strong woman for him. I know that only God can do and bless me with all the strength that I need to make all that happen. I thank God everyday for putting Jesse in my life. It is like He knew when I would need to bring him into my life even if I had to wait for a little while to get him.

Jesse,

I know that you read this because you have told me, so I thought this would be one way for me to tell you how I feel, without me breaking down into tears when I try to tell you in person.

Jesse, you have been an absolute gift from God to me. I could have never asked for anything more to be in my life. Everyday that I am with you I fall deeper and deeper into love with you. I have never understood why relationship after relationship did not work until now. I now know why because God was going to bring you into my life, it just had to be on His time. Jesse, you are the love of my life and I never thought I would be able to say that to the right person. But Jesse I truly feel that our love story is written by God for us. That He has made our love one of his great stories that only God could make or come up with. For so long I have prayed that my prince charming would ride in a sweep me off my feet. Jesse you have done so much more. You are my love. I really don't know why I ever thought that I wanted things that have been in my life for the past few years when I see now how I am to be loved. I know that the future for us can only get better. When it is You and Me for the rest of our lives. I really love you and I thank God everyday for you. I want to be the one that you lay down beside everyday of your life. I want to be the one for you. I love you so much Jesse Matthew Hester. I know that our life together is only getting better because God is the author of our amazing mind blowing love story. Wish it will be ten times better than anything ever written here on earth. I Love You with all my heart and soul.

Thousand Hugs and Billions of Kisses Love You Bunches <3

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew That I would do anything for you The first time you touched my face I felt Like I've never felt with anyone else

I wana give back what you've givin' to me And I wanna witness all of your dreams Now that you've shown me who I really am I wanna be more then just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails And be the hand that lifts your veil And be the moon that moves your tide The sun coming up in your eyes Be the wheels that never rust And be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreaming of and more So much more, I wanna be your everything...

When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see And when it gets dark you can reach out for me I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails And be the hand that lifts your veil And be the moon that moves your tide The sun coming up in your eyes Be the wheels that never rust And be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreaming of and more So much more, I wanna be your everything...

Be the wheels that never rust And be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreaming of and more So much more, I wanna be your everything... I wanna be your everything

A Christmas Gift for God

2009-12-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

Well Jesse is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the angel that has dropped down from heaven and made everything right. God has truly blessed my life with him and I am so thankful for him.

I am so happy that he is in my life and everything is going good. I got signed back up for school and my diabetes is falling into line. And of course Jesse tells me he is proud of me. I am so lucky to have him. He is like my own Christmas Gift from God.

JESSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING

With all my love

Ken <3

Maybe Another Sleepless Night...

2009-12-10T03:36:00.000-05:00

So even if tonight is another sleepless night it will be ok because for the first time it is not a sleepless night because I am missing him. I haven't even done that. I have found what I was really looking for and I am thanking God for that everyday that he sends me with him. Jesse has became my best friend. He is my person I run to when the world seems so turned upside down. Without him I don't know what I would do.

He has become my everything. I wake up in the morning to his beautiful voice just letting me know that he is there in my life. I have never had anything like him before and I really don't know what to think. He has put the world at right. And he has shown me that I need God in my life. That I need to put him back number one in my life and everything else would fall back into place. The only thing he asked of me when we started dating was that I put God first then him second. I am so thankful that he opened my eyes to that because I really haven't seen that in a long time.

He wants to be there for me. He wants to be in my life and most importantly he wants to take care of me and my diabetes. He told me the other night that diabetes was not just mine to take care of it was ours to deal with. For me that is all I have ever asked for. Just having someone that wants to take on my diabetes is the one thing that I could ever ask for. I wish yes that I didn't have it and I didn't have to put this on someone else but for someone to be willing to take it on like Jesse has been is mind blowing. He also wants to grow old together and that is why he is so carefully taking care of my diabetes. He has changed the way I eat and also the way he eats. He says that if I cant\'t have it then why should he be able to have it. To hear someone say that makes me all teared up.

I could see myself with him for so long. I am just so scared that he is going to open his eyes and see all that he is taking on and run the other way or just stop caring like has happen to me so many times in the past.

It is scary to say but I have fell for him unlike anyone else before. I thank God everyday for that but I also pray everyday that everything will work for the greater of his will and not mine or Jesse's.

I am so ready for this weekend with him. Friday if he doesn't have to work after I get off we are going to Greenville to turn in my stuff for school for next year. (Yes I went back and signed up for Surgical Tech and wow is Jesse so proud and me and is he behind me 110% saying that I can do this) but anyway. Then we are going to spend the day together and then that night with are going with the youth from his church to go Midnight Bowling YAY!!! I love it. Then I am staying with the girls from the youth group cause his mom is staying and that way I don't have to drive all the way back to Anderson that night. Then Saturday we are getting ready and going with Chan to take pictures in Clemson together. Then after that I have no clue what we are doing and of course Sunday is church.

Just being with Jesse is mind blowing and I love every second of being with him. I never want it to end. I am just so happy right now and my life does not seem like it could get any better right now. Thanks to God and his hand on everything. I just pray that he will keep blessing our relationship like he has blessed it so far.

From a new found happiness

With all the love and happiness

Ken <3

God is Good All The Time

2009-12-04T02:45:00.000-05:00

December is here the month of some many memories but for once I know that even though those are memories I am opening a new chapter that God has wrote in the book of my beautiful love story. Jesse is so amazing willing to take care of me. Show me the way to be. Jesse has opened me back up to my roots to the roots I ran so far from. God is the only way to go and I am so thankful that God has placed an amazing guy in front of me. He is so amazing God is amazing

Just a Rainy Day at work

2009-11-30T13:21:00.000-05:00

Well guys I am pretty much bored as all get out at work today and I am thinking about Jesse. He is so amazing and I cant wait for Wednesday to get here so I can see him again. I got to talk to him at lunch and cant wait till he gets off work so I can hear his voice again. He is the about the best thing that has happened to me in monthes now and I am so thankful that I did. Just being with him makes the world seem right. Even if I am still scared because I am scared of getting hurt again. But I really dont think that he would hurt me. He tells me that I am perfect even with all the things that has happened and the things I have wrong with me. I cant believe this guy.

This weekend was the most amazing weekend I have had in a long time I just wished it was longer. Wednesday night I went with Jesse out and just hung out and had the best time, Thursday was Thanksgiving and I spent time with the family and that afternoon he come to the house and met some of my family and hung out over there all night, Friday was BLACK FRIDAY...Jesse got up and went hunting so I went shopping with my little sister Chandler and my adopt one Karlee. After that I went to Jesse's House and hung out over there. We watched a movie while he took a nap on the couch. Then Saturday was the Clemson Carolina Game (Jesse is a Gamecock fan but oh well maybe I can work on that) and we watched that game together. Sadly My Tigers lost but hey we are in Tampa next Saturday for the ACC Championship...GO TIGERS. Then he cooked us dinner which was amazing and He even washed dishes. He would not let me help with anything. After dinner we laid down on the couch and started watching a movie but we both fell asleep which was so sweet cause I got to sleep on his chest. Then yesterday Jesse come to Anderson and went to church at my church that morning. Went and ate some lunch then went to his house Took the most amazing nap ever together. Then got up and went to church at his church had some dinner after and then I went home so we could both get up for work.

But now I am missing him like crazy I wish that I could see him but I dont get to till Wednesday cause of work and GAS but it is all good cause when I see him it will be great. My Life is finally looking up and I am so thankful for that.

Ken <3

Long Time Coming

2009-11-30T05:15:00.000-05:00

I will have to say it has been a long time coming for me to feel again. For me to feel like there is something out there for me. It is like someone has went and found the light switch and flipped it back to on. You know I would have never in a million years dreamed that it would happen this way that one night could change it all but it did. Last week I got a txt from someone I never would have thought could give me somebody like this, but anyway I took the number and txt him. Come to find out that it is this really amazing guy. I am so thankful that he has came into me life. He is just what I needed. Like yesterday night he told me something that I had never heard from a guy in my life. He told me that he thinks that I am perfect in every way. I have no clue where this guy came from. The last thing I was looking for was for someone to come in a sweep me off my feet. I just I do own her a big thank you for giving me the number. I have had no clue that the butterflies could ever come back.