Well People it is Saturday morning at 3:40 and I am busy working. My darling Jess is sleeping away at home and I am missing him so much right now. Every piece of me wishes I could be with him. I know that I can't and it is killing me. The good thing is I get three days off before I come back on third on Tuesday. I know working is a great thing cause I get paid but I really want to be with him. I know that me wanting to spend the time I have off with him is so crazy to him and gets on his nerves. He just doesn't understand what that time means to me. He is my life and I love him more than anything and He is what I want. I never knew that I would want to be with someone so much. Jess is my everything, and my heart; He means the world to me and being with him is so important to me.
I truly do not understand how to get him to see that I am not trying to be childish or over-bearing but that I just want him to want to be with me and much as I want him. I never knew that I would have the trouble of feeling put out by him. I feel like everytime I try to get close Jesse is pushing me away. I feel like I can't breath without him around. Like the life has been sucked out of me and taken away forever.
Ok, yes I know this all sounds so stupid but it is truly the way I feel. Jess tries so hard not to talk about this stuff with me so who do I have to understand what I am going through. I can't make him want to be with me and I know that but I want to make him see that I love spending time with him and being next to him. I want things to be right, I want them to be the way that I want them to be. I want Jesse to want to long to be with me like I long to be with him.
I want to be able to take in the moments with him and know that he is taking in every moment just the same. I want to know that when we are away from each other He is needing me just the same way. But truly, how do I do this without pushing him, without seeming like I am so in need of everything. I know that this is truly childish but I don't know whatever way to say how I am feeling about all of the things.
I want to tell him so much and know that he is listening and taking it all in, and not pushing it in one ear and out the other. I figured I could just write down everything and just hope that he understands it and listening to the words that are writen in front of him. I just truly and lost and don't know what to do.
Well since I took the time to write all this out and spent about ten minutes of my night writing down some of the stuff I am fighting with I guess I will run and try to get some work done before 7 gets here and I finally get to get out of here and spend some time with Jess. Just hoping that the time is time that we enjoy to the best way and no fighting at each other just happiness to a great time.
I love him and hopefully things with go good the next few days. I will keep you updated
Have a great Saturday. Hope everyone is enjoying their rest and hope they have a great weekend
Ken<3
Hey girly, 3rd must be a hard shift to work.. Though I am a night owl so I might like it. But who knows. Sounds like you have been liking you job.. which is great..
ReplyDeleteBut on the who feeling/Jesse thing...
You should tell him how you feel. If he really loves you he would listen and try to understand how you feel. I know how you feel.. I had an ex like that.. he didn't like to listen to me and didn't think my feelings matter.. But girl you tell him how you feel!
lots of love.. in my prayers.
xoxo