How can you feel one way and act the other. If he only knew how I felt about him he would understand the hurt that I feel at times. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have never wanting anything more than that but why do I feel scared and on edge all the time. He is my best friend, my everything, my soul mate. I want to be with him till death do us part that kinda thing. I am truly afraid that I will lose him and everything I have ever dreamed of. I am so afraid that my best friend is going to walk out the door and never return.
Jess,
I know that some of the things I say and do makes you want to pull your hair and shake some sense into me. But baby you are truly my everything. I love you with all my heart and soul. I could never ask for anyone better. I am truly in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you as your wife. Being with you, caring for you, and standing beside you through everything life has in store for us. I am so thankful that I am blessed with you in my life. Nothing can never truly be anything more for me. I love you with everything I am.
Ken
I know that there will never be anything more for me. He is everything to me and I truly cannot wait to be his wife. Hopefully this will be the way I have always dreamed of.
Kenz<3
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Amazing Week and More To Come
Well this week has been amazing!!!
Monday afternoon, Jess found out that he was going to be moving to second shift at his job during the week so that way he could sleep a little more plus spend some more time with me. :) So Tuesday he started that. That day we spent the day in Easley so he could cut his papa grass. I had a great time just talking to his granny and spending time over there with him before he went to work. Wednesday, I ended up going into work that morning for four hours. After that I came home and we had a pool day before Jess had to go to work. I had never had so much fun in the pool.
Thursday was a day where we stay in our pj's and watched TV in bed all day. I loved it and I was so excited. Thursday night I worked third and came home Friday morning to find myself so nerves about Nise scan that I could not sleep.
Which I will have to say that God is so Good to us right now. The scan came back showing that the cancer was only in the breast and lymph nodes and no other organs. PRAISE GOD. Thank yall so much for all the prayers said lately but we are still fighting and are still needing them greatly. She is doing well though and started her chemo and doing well with it.
But hopefully things will be looking up soon. So after I got that news I finally relaxed a little and killed some time before going to my honey bunny house. We just hung around the house with his parents. So that brings us today. Which of course was work and then off to Liberty to spend some time with Jess. Tomorrow we both have to work tomorrow again.
I am off this week till Friday night and cant wait to spend some much needed time with my love. Tuesday night at midnight I am taking Chan and Anna to see Eclipse YAY!!!!!! I truly cannot wait.
I am off on the fourth and the next few days after the fourth. Jess and I are hopefully planning something for that Monday and maybe the fourth so we can spend some much needed time together. Everybody keep your fingers cross that it will all work out.
Well I am going to head to bed. I got to get up early in the morning to get Jess up for work and get me up and ready for work in the morning. Hopefully I can post something really soon.
KENZ<3
Monday afternoon, Jess found out that he was going to be moving to second shift at his job during the week so that way he could sleep a little more plus spend some more time with me. :) So Tuesday he started that. That day we spent the day in Easley so he could cut his papa grass. I had a great time just talking to his granny and spending time over there with him before he went to work. Wednesday, I ended up going into work that morning for four hours. After that I came home and we had a pool day before Jess had to go to work. I had never had so much fun in the pool.
Thursday was a day where we stay in our pj's and watched TV in bed all day. I loved it and I was so excited. Thursday night I worked third and came home Friday morning to find myself so nerves about Nise scan that I could not sleep.
Which I will have to say that God is so Good to us right now. The scan came back showing that the cancer was only in the breast and lymph nodes and no other organs. PRAISE GOD. Thank yall so much for all the prayers said lately but we are still fighting and are still needing them greatly. She is doing well though and started her chemo and doing well with it.
But hopefully things will be looking up soon. So after I got that news I finally relaxed a little and killed some time before going to my honey bunny house. We just hung around the house with his parents. So that brings us today. Which of course was work and then off to Liberty to spend some time with Jess. Tomorrow we both have to work tomorrow again.
I am off this week till Friday night and cant wait to spend some much needed time with my love. Tuesday night at midnight I am taking Chan and Anna to see Eclipse YAY!!!!!! I truly cannot wait.
I am off on the fourth and the next few days after the fourth. Jess and I are hopefully planning something for that Monday and maybe the fourth so we can spend some much needed time together. Everybody keep your fingers cross that it will all work out.
Well I am going to head to bed. I got to get up early in the morning to get Jess up for work and get me up and ready for work in the morning. Hopefully I can post something really soon.
KENZ<3
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Couldn't Be More Thankful
Everybody keeps telling me I'm such a lucky man, Looking at you standing there I know I am.
Barefooted beauty with eyes that blue, sunshine sure looks good on you, I
swear.
Oh I can't believe I finally found ya baby,
Happy ever after after all this time.
Oh there's gonna be some ups and downs,
But with you to wrap my arms around, I'm fine.
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
You know you keep on bringing out the best in me,
And I need you now even more than the air I breathe.
You can make me laugh when I wanna cry,
This will last forever I just know. I know.
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
So baby hold on tight, and don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
We got a good thing baby, woah.
So hold on tight, baby don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, Oh you gotta know, oh you gotta know, you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
Ooooh ohh ohh.
We got a good thing, baby,
-Lady AntebellumSo hold on tight, baby don't let go. Hold on to the love we're making, Cause baby when the ground starts shaking you gotta know, Oh you gotta know, oh you gotta know, you gotta know, When you got a good thing.
Ooooh ohh ohh.
We got a good thing, baby,
I truly could not be more thankful for the man in my life right now. Through all the tough things we have come our way, he is staying right there holding my hand. I am truly blessed to have that in my life. But I have to be honest about the fear holding up inside the walls of my gut. The past weekend I have just felt sick because of fear. Fear that has over came me so many time before. Fear that has broken all of me and I am afraid that it is happening again.
This Friday Jess finally starts his second job, so now he will be working 7 days a week 10-12 hours a day. I have been in a relationship were the person works 7 days a week and I am afraid to have the same problems again. I know that I shouldn't but I do and I have cried and cried over this. I am afraid to tell Jess how and what I am going through so I haven't. I have kept quiet and let it built up inside of me. I just don't know how to explain that the feelings of scared and worry that I had a year ago is back and I am praying with everything I have in me that they go away and that I can take it. That our relationship with come out to a different way then the last. I am scared to lose him and I am praying so hard that it doesn't happen.
But beside all the worry that I have going on everything is going good with us. He has made me feel like no one else has and I am so thankful that I have that. Tonight I was at his house and I was standing there with the fridge door open and he walk up and kissed me on my forehead and I truly thought the world stood still in that very moment. I never got that before and to feel it has no words. I love Jess with my whole heart.
Well update on the Cancer side of our lives right now... My aunt starts her chemo on Friday and we are praying that everything goes well. I am praying that the tumor starts to go down in size in the next week treatments and not take so long. The faster it deceases the sooner the surgery and the sooner we will be on the road to cancer free. Just keep prayer I will keep you updated.
Other than all this going on life is going good and I am hoping it all stays that way. I hope everything is going good. Oh if anyone has or knows of any place on the cheap but warm side where me and Jess could have a little vacation here shortly that would be great I am ready to get out of this town for a little while with my man so ideas would be great.
Well I will post later. Oh I get my hair done Friday so I will post a new pic of that soon.
Kenz<3
Someday when I’m old I’ll be the only one
Who remembers you young and beautiful
Your dark hair falling on that pillowcase
All the secrets we shared, all the
love that we made
And I’ll hold onto those precious moments
Like pieces of gold Someday when I’m old
-Easton Corbin Saturday, June 12, 2010
Long Overdue Update
Summer is finally underway and it is have been full of nothing but work. But I guess that is ok. Last Friday though was a half and half day. That day I got off work and come home and went to bed. After getting some much needed sleep, I woke up to an amazing text message from Jess asking me out on a date. I mean really he really didn't have to ask me cause I will always say yes. So we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse and had just an amazing time together. Of course we had to go to the mall cause what else is there to do in Anderson. After just the few fun hours the night come tumbling down. My mama called us to come to my aunt's house so she could explain to us that my Aunt Nise has Stage 3-A Breast Cancer.
So now the next few months is going to be a fight. She went to the doctor this week and they are starting a very powerful form of chemo next Friday. They are hoping that the chemo will decease the size of the tumor so they can do surgery and get all the cancer. The chemo can go on anywhere from 12-18 weeks going once every 3 weeks. Our family is asking for prayers so everyone keep us in yours.
So now I am pretty much caught up on the blog. So hopefully something will go on the is a little more happier and exciting happen soon.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
All Night...
So yes I have pulled one of my famous all-nighters. Instead of going to bed anytime tonight I just stayed up all night. I really do think it happens when I get to be beside Jesse all weekend and then not having him here kills me. I just get so use to know that if I need him he will be there and really cant do that if I am in Anderson and He is in Liberty.
But I have chosen that I am going to stop bring up the whole marriage thing. I am just tired of talking about it and feeling like it goes in one ear and out the other. Yea don't get me wrong I really wish it would all change and we would get married but who know.
Ok I am just running my mouth now. I am going to try to take a little nap before I have to get ready for the day
Ken<3
But I have chosen that I am going to stop bring up the whole marriage thing. I am just tired of talking about it and feeling like it goes in one ear and out the other. Yea don't get me wrong I really wish it would all change and we would get married but who know.
Ok I am just running my mouth now. I am going to try to take a little nap before I have to get ready for the day
Ken<3
I know I know...
Ok yes I know I have been a little behind on the blogging just had so much going on the past few weeks that I feel like my head is going to blow off. Between work and just life, plus the whole trying to get caught up on all the sleep I lose each week. It has been all just pushing down like crazy.
I seem to have still not found anytime for Jess and me to get some pics done. Just driving me crazy. I feel like all the pics I have are holiday and us just fooling around on dates and around the house. I don't think it will be done anytime in the next month because my June schedule with work is pretty much blocking time for that off. I mean it looks like this:
*Thursdays 7pm-7am
*Saturdays 7am-7pm
*Sundays 7am-7pm
This is every week till June 26. So...yea and Jess works during the week so that doesn't happen. But I will have to say he is going back to working Saturdays at his first job till he gets his call from this new job which the time for that is 7am-3:30pm on a good day most of the time 4pm. So I will get to spend Saturday nights with my baby.
Any that one... Then I had talked about us just taking a little weekend trip somewhere. Well you can see how that is and Jess can't miss work right. We are really trying to save up the money for Destin in August. Plus he has got to fix to parts in his truck before then. Gosh all this money money money. So the trip will just have to wait till later. Even though I think we need something that will help us to get along better some how.
I know every relationship has it time, I am just freaking out that I will push and push to far. I seem to always do that. Plus I think I am just nervous cause Sunday it will have been ONE YEAR that my life has seem to be put in a spin. I am glad things have been changing I just truly cannot believe that a year has passed me by. That the things I thought I would have for the rest of my life have truly changed into the things that I have now. I am just scared something like that will happen again to me and I will break. I am on edge and I know it is not helping anything.
This weekend seemed to be even though I was putting in the Ativan to chill out the nerves that were coming on full time. I don't know how to stop them sometimes and I know I really cannot talk to Jess about them. But I don't know who else there is for me. I just hope that everything just will calm down.
Well I hoped everyone had a good holiday weekend. Post Later
Kenz<3
I seem to have still not found anytime for Jess and me to get some pics done. Just driving me crazy. I feel like all the pics I have are holiday and us just fooling around on dates and around the house. I don't think it will be done anytime in the next month because my June schedule with work is pretty much blocking time for that off. I mean it looks like this:
*Thursdays 7pm-7am
*Saturdays 7am-7pm
*Sundays 7am-7pm
This is every week till June 26. So...yea and Jess works during the week so that doesn't happen. But I will have to say he is going back to working Saturdays at his first job till he gets his call from this new job which the time for that is 7am-3:30pm on a good day most of the time 4pm. So I will get to spend Saturday nights with my baby.
Any that one... Then I had talked about us just taking a little weekend trip somewhere. Well you can see how that is and Jess can't miss work right. We are really trying to save up the money for Destin in August. Plus he has got to fix to parts in his truck before then. Gosh all this money money money. So the trip will just have to wait till later. Even though I think we need something that will help us to get along better some how.
I know every relationship has it time, I am just freaking out that I will push and push to far. I seem to always do that. Plus I think I am just nervous cause Sunday it will have been ONE YEAR that my life has seem to be put in a spin. I am glad things have been changing I just truly cannot believe that a year has passed me by. That the things I thought I would have for the rest of my life have truly changed into the things that I have now. I am just scared something like that will happen again to me and I will break. I am on edge and I know it is not helping anything.
This weekend seemed to be even though I was putting in the Ativan to chill out the nerves that were coming on full time. I don't know how to stop them sometimes and I know I really cannot talk to Jess about them. But I don't know who else there is for me. I just hope that everything just will calm down.
Well I hoped everyone had a good holiday weekend. Post Later
Kenz<3
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